Like Me, Only Different

More Royal Jelly

2012-02-11T15:39:00.000-08:00

It seems fitting that after I wrote about Royal Jelly two weeks back, that another prime example is emerging… you know who I am talking about.

If you have paid even the slightest attention to the sports world in the last few days, you would have heard about a guy named Jeremy Lin. Other than diehard NBA fans, few would have recognized the name just a week ago. He started the year at the end of the bench for the Golden State Warriors, and then was cut. The New York Knicks ended up signing him a little over a month ago and he hadn’t really sniffed the floor. In fact, he was sent to the D-League mid-January, and it was reported by Marc Stein, that it was possible the Knicks were going to waive him this past week because his contact was not guaranteed.

Then he got an opportunity. And he made the most of it. He dropped 25 points and seven assists off the bench in his first game. That earned him a start, and what followed was 89 points over the course of three consecutive starts. That is more points than any other player has scored in their first three starts in the NBA in the common era (which began in 1976-77). More than Michael Jordan, Kobe, or anybody else. It is crazy.

His 38 points against the Lakers last night have everybody drinking his Kool-Aid. And I hope he turns out to make it for the long haul. His story is awesome. Time will tell what level of success he ends up with in the NBA. It won’t always be quite as great as this present moment, but he could have a fabulous career.

So why is he getting the chance at this? Royal Jelly! You can go to this article from 2009 that explains some of Lin’s background and growing up. Somehow his five feet six inch, non-basketball playing father studied enough of the great NBA players to help teach his son the fundamentals. He fed him that portion of the Royal Jelly when he was young. Over time, Lin grew and developed into one of those guys who wasn’t a shoe-in to be an All-World basketball player, but had the tools (and athleticism) that put him in the middle category of outcomes. (Look at this photo of him playing against Connecticut in 2009 where he dropped 30 points and got up to send this guy’s shot…)

A week ago he was on the verge of being out of the NBA, and now he’s the talk of the whole basketball world!

While there are some additional variables contributing to his success (hasn’t been scouted by most NBA teams, he has fresh legs when the rest of the league is very tired) the main reason he has been able to excel is that he is getting the space to do so. Mike D’Antoni has put him into an offense that fits his natural gifting along with his skills, and he has also allowed Lin to play through mistakes. He had eight turnovers in his first game, but D’Antoni let him play. And he’s been rewarded by one of the most phenomenal outbursts in recent NBA history.

We are watching Royal Jelly happen right now. It seems Jeremy Lin has the talent to be a solid, if not very good, NBA player, and being in the right system, with a coach who is willing to let him learn on the fly, is giving him that chance. Different situation, different coach, tighter leash and nobody is talking about Lin-Sanity!

What a lesson in opportunity, circumstance, and freedom – all components of Royal Jelly. Some people have been given the Royal Jelly and are ready to do something great, if they are only given the space. Thankfully we’re watching Jeremy Lin get the Royal Jelly!

(Picture is from: Brian Pohorylo/Icon SMI)

The Royal Jelly

2012-01-30T22:11:00.000-08:00

When bees are born, they are all fed the same thing – Royal Jelly. The bee larvae get three days’ worth of RJ from the worker bees before they start being differentiated. After three days, the only ones who continue to get the Royal Jelly are the ones who have a chance to become Queen bee. There are lots of reasons why these particular ones are suited to have a shot at becoming the next Queen of the hive (which are not important to why I’m writing about Royal Jelly), but the important factor is what takes them from being a regular bee like the rest of the hive to being a candidate for Queen.

They are given two things that the rest of the hive doesn’t get: ‘copious’ amounts of Royal Jelly, and they are given a bigger cell so that they can grow. Without this extra space they don’t have the chance to develop into a Queen.

And why am I writing about Queen bees and Royal Jelly? Because I listened to a podcast the other day that was very insightful. It was actually a podcast from Henry Abbott talking about the NBA, with a very bright basketball mind, David Thorpe, talking about how NBA players are like bees. The ones who get the Royal Jelly, and then are given the space to grow, often blossom into good NBA players. Whereas players who are equally talented as them, but don’t receive the Royal Jelly and/or space, end up sitting the bench, out of the NBA, in Europe, or done with basketball all together.

Thorpe says that there are some players who are so good that they will succeed in the NBA no matter what. Guys like Lebron, Kobe, Kevin Durant, Kevin Love, amongst a few others. For these special gifted few, it doesn’t matter if they get the Royal Jelly. They are so talented that they will succeed no matter what.

There are also guys (most men) who just lack the tools to play in the NBA – too small, not strong enough, not athletic enough, or not talented enough, and thus even with copious amounts of Royal Jelly and space to grow, would never blossom into NBA-level players.

But there is also a middle-group of players. These are the ones who could as easily be All-Stars as they could sit the bench or be out of the NBA. What is the difference between the ones who end up All-Stars and the ones who end up outside the NBA? Royal Jelly, AND space to grow.

So what is Royal Jelly? For bees, Royal Jelly is a secretion from the heads of worker bees. For NBA players Royal Jelly is obviously something different all together. Thorpe boils Royal Jelly down to something that a player gets from his coach/mentor/teacher. Essentially, Royal Jelly is the coach getting the player to believe they can accomplish whatever it is they are trying to get them to believe in. This means the right kind of mentoring, teaching, and guidance (including discipline), which will allow those players to prosper in a way they wouldn’t have otherwise.

So a player with enough talent/size/athleticism/strength, but not supremely above all others, is at the mercy of the system they are in. If they are in a system which provides them Royal Jelly, they are in a place where they will have the chance to succeed. This system would come from a coach or a trainer who invests in them with intentional, and knowledgeable, mentoring, teaching, and guidance.

David Thorpe uses Udonis Haslem (now of the Miami Heat) as his first personal example. After a good career at Florida, UH went undrafted and then spent a season playing France. He lost 50 pounds of muscle during his time in France, and it probably appeared like he was going to be a European player at best. But David saw that Udonis was in the middle group – that with the Royal Jelly, he could have a chance at succeeding in the NBA. All he had to do was convince Udonis. Eventually with intentional affirmation, encouragement and training, he got Udonis to believe he could fill a particular type of role in the NBA.

Because he was in the middle group, and because he had received the Royal Jelly, he was able to get a chance on Miami’s summer league team. And he went in the summer league and did the things David had gotten him to believe in. This led him to a spot on Miami’s roster.

The great part for Udonis was that the starting Power Forward was out for the first 19 games, making him the starter… his first year in the League, after just six months earlier looking like he was resigned to life playing in Europe, at best. So he had gotten the Royal Jelly, and now he was getting the space. He had the chance to play, to get better, AND to make mistakes. The Heat’s coach at the time was Stan Van Gundy, and he allowed (and had no choice really – since his starting PF was out) Udonis to play through his errors. And in the process SVG started to believe in Udonis, and Udonis in himself. The Royal Jelly and room to grow were working together. Halfway through the season, the Heat traded the previous starter at Power Forward (Lamar Odom), and it meant Udonis was going to be the starter.

Both David Thorpe and Stan Van Gundy believed in Udonis for a reason – he was capable. And collectively they provided the Royal Jelly and the space for him to have a chance to thrive in the NBA. He’s now been playing for the Heat for the last eight years. Without David’s investment initially, and Stan’s trust/willingness to let Udonis grow, it’s unlikely you could say that he would have made it in the League.

It’s important to note that David and SVG honestly believed in Udonis. They weren’t trying to convince themselves, or him, that he would be the MVP of the NBA. They believed he could be a great rebounder and helped him hone those skills along with some others. They created a plan that would allow Udonis to thrive and maximize his personal gifts. There were some skills (like shooting) that he wasn’t very good at, but he was a good enough athlete with a strong work ethic that he developed into a good shooter with help from them.

Thorpe went on to say that players (and I believe this can be rolled out to all people!) want several things:
1. Authenticity from their coach/mentor
2. To get better
3. A blueprint to get better
4. To be held accountable to the blueprint
5. To give them a chance to show it
6. When they’ve failed on the first few times, chances to keep getting better.

Players, and people, can’t be held accountable to something they don’t know or haven’t been taught. And a person can’t learn something overnight. But they need a plan with the specifics (what is good and bad) and then have a mirror held to their performance, that they might watch themselves grow and get better.

Some players get the Royal Jelly and space, and end up having great NBA careers. Other players could make it if they had the Royal Jelly, and room to grow. Without it, they end up on the bench, in Europe, or done with basketball.

I should also say that Thorpe noted that few coaches in the NBA are giving Royal Jelly to their players. (He targeted Rick Adelman, Greg Popovich, Tom Thibodeau, and Stan Van Gundy as some of the few Royal Jelly givers.) Without the Royal Jelly, it doesn’t matter how much space they get to be on the court. They won’t be able to properly grow into their space.

All this is the same with people in life. Most people are capable of doing something great, if they get the Royal Jelly and space to grow/learn/improve. If they have help in developing their strengths, wise counsel, discipline and accountability, and then are given a chance to build on those strengths, they have a chance to turn into something they would never have been before. While others who could have been great, don’t get the Royal Jelly and up sitting the bench of life, or even worse, out of life’s game all together.

Most people fit the middle category, they need the Royal Jelly. I have to ask myself, am I giving it to them? And I ask you, are you giving anybody in your life the Royal Jelly?

Intentionally Living, Rejoicing, and Leading

2012-01-15T23:22:00.000-08:00

Yesterday, for the second time in less than three weeks I sat in a church celebrating the life of an amazing person. And for the second time I was moved and challenged by the way that this person had lived.

The man who died, Jim, was only 57 when the brain cancer he had battled for two and a half years finally got the best of him. Yet, the folks who got up to share stories about his life all had a consistent message: Jim packed more into his 57 years than most who live many more years. Jim maximized every moment it seemed.

So as I sat there, I was challenged in two particular ways. One was obvious, and the other was subtly developing.

The first way I was challenged revolves around the question,” What am I doing with my days?” The word that echoed from the mouths of each friend who shared about Jim was intentionality. It seemed that even before Jim had cancer he was determined to intentionally live his life to the fullest, whether that meant going on a long hike or helping a young person to find their path in life. After his diagnosis, in which he was originally given 3-6 weeks to live, he set out to continue to maximize his time. He poured into three 20-something men by meeting individually with them twice monthly. He was helping them to plan and plot out the course of their lives, pointing them in the direction towards being the best men they could be. He invested his time and energy in his church. As he rose each day, he rejoiced for another opportunity, even an opportunity of a day with brain cancer – treating it as a day God had given him to do something. That is how I want to rise in the morning. I want to rejoice every day, and look at it as a day the Lord has made for me to do something.

As the service continued on, I felt as if a blindfold I didn’t know was there had been covering my eyes. This blindfold had been keeping me from having perspective on the way I live at times. The proverbial blindfold was pulled away as I heard more and more of Jim’s life story.His life opened my eyes to a weakness in my own: I play the victim at times. Yet, there was no victim mentality in Jim’s life, not before cancer, and not after. He wasn’t responding to the things life threw him, he was initiating with each ounce of energy he had. And I believe this was the reason he got so much done, impacted so many lives, and was able to rejoice each day, with or without cancer.

When my life is said and done, I want to have been a great leader. But great leaders don’t play the victim, ever. In many ways I am a good leader; however, I spend too much time reactively responding to problems, and in many cases playing the victim. That is not the mark of a great leader. Great leaders, like Jim, initiate solutions with intentionality in each area of their lives before the problems even come up. And when they come up, because they always do, great leaders respond with perseverance, continuing to intentionally pursue solutions and dreams.

God has been doing a work in my heart over the last few months, one that may have very well been culminated by Jim’s celebration of life. This work is a challenge to intentionally solve the problems and hard stuff that comes my way. It’s to fight for the best in myself and other people and situations. Not allowing myself to consider the hard stuff as an excuse to turn and go the other way. I am not the victim – Jim showed me that, because he wasn’t the victim either.

He rejoiced and had a purpose for each day. Thanks for the encouragement Jim – I only hope I can do the same!

Fights, Races, and Faith

2012-01-04T20:39:00.000-08:00

Yesterday I sat at the funeral of my friend Justin’s mother, and I pondered mortality. Though I’ve experienced the death of a close loved one, I don’t think I’ve actually ever really felt mortal myself. Of course I know I’m going to die someday, but up until this point I haven’t lived with any consciousness of dying in the present or near future. Yet, hearing the stories of this wonderful woman, a young 51 year-old mother of three, sent signals of how quickly it all could be gone. I’m more than halfway to the same age she was at the time of her death, and there is no guarantee that I’ll even make it that far.

How did I get this old, this quick? And why does death feel so imminent?

In one sense it is incredibly discouraging, making me wonder, “What then is the point of life, if we are just going die?” Thinking about death gives me a trivial feeling about everything that I’ve done, am doing, and will do. Why even make any effort if it’s all for not?

Deep at my core though, I hope that it all matters. Surely it has to be about more than breathing for some insignificant amount of years on earth and then dying… Right? I want to believe there is more to life than just being here.

So what is it about? Yesterday, the pastor overseeing the ceremony pointed us to a passage in the Second book of Timothy. The author, Paul is at the end of his life, facing certain death, and is offering some encouragement to his protégé Timothy. Verse seven in the NIV reads:

“I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith.”

The good fight? Fighting is not the sort of thing that a person does for no reason. There is always a reason for a fight. (Though we obviously know the reason for a fight is not always good… but in this case, Paul says he fought the good fight. So it must be for a good reason!)

Finishing the race? People don’t just run to run. They may like running, but there is generally a reason for a race; and a reason for finishing it.

And keeping the faith? What faith? And how does it relate to a fight and a race?

It seems to me that the faith Paul has kept through his many persecutions and trials (there are way too many to list here) is that God is at work in our lives, and that the hope of a new life, both in the present life and the life to come is possible because of what Jesus did. Paul chose to fight and run for this hope. And in the process he kept the faith.

Paul was staring death in the face. And there was no doubt that he was reflecting upon his entire life, including the years he spent (literally) persecuting and wiping out followers of Christ. When Jesus revealed Himself to Paul on the road to Damascus, it was the beginning of Paul’s new journey. And it was the beginning of a complete transformation. Yet, it ended in death. Mortality was present and waiting for him all along the way.

But while Paul lived he fought and ran for what he saw transform his life: making Jesus Christ known. He went from persecutor to proclaimer because he realized there was a reason to have hope. Jesus had totally changed him. Jesus was the hope. He had literally experienced the hope, and thus his fight and race were to help others experience that very thing. And Paul didn’t stop fighting that good fight, or running that race, until the very end.

Mortality may be the most real it has ever been for me, but that means it’s time to fight and time to run. Though I most likely am not staring death in the face as Paul was (or as my friend Justin’s mom did), it nonetheless sits in my peripheral as a reminder: there is hope for the future and reason to live, but my fight is not over and my race has not been fully run.

In the last letter of my life I want to be able to say just what Paul said, “I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith.”

Advice from Paul...the Greek billionaire

2011-12-03T16:50:00.000-08:00

I enjoy coffee shops. But I’m generally trying to keep to myself if I’m there alone. I’ll be reading or writing or working. Occasionally people will strike up conversation, but it never seems very intentional. Yet, as I sat in Starbucks last week I experienced a first – a random stranger, seeking me out for a rather intentional conversation.

I was busy working on a project when I was tapped on the shoulder and asked if the seat next to me was available. He had just bought a drink and it seemed like he just wanted a place to sit and drink his coffee. No big deal really, so I moved my bag and he sat down. As I turned back to my computer to keep working he turned his body towards mine and asked me a question. He wanted to know what I was working on and who I worked for. I explained my job and what I was doing. He told me I looked reasonably put together and wanted to know about my education. I explained that as well. Then he said, “I’ve been very successful in my life, and I have five rules I try to live by. Do you want to know them?”

I should mention that he was noticeably foreign. Later, I learned that he had been in North America for nearly 50 years, but he still maintained a bit of his Greek accent. So this man with the accent, who has intentionally sought to share his secrets of success with me, offers to share them? Seems like it’s worth a listen, though I was very unsure what he was going to say to me. (All views from these rules are Paul, the Greek’s, not my own.)

1. Love yourself – no smoking, no drugs, don’t abuse alcohol, no tattoos/earrings
2. Find what you were gifted for… and become a master of it.
3. Enjoy what you are doing… especially your work!
4. Take risks in your lifetime!
5. Never give up!

He didn’t stop there though. He figured I wanted more, he was throwing his whole book at me. The next five:

6. Be honest – no lies, not even white lies
7. Stay around good people – you are who you keep
8. Be fair in business
9. Find the right woman – communicate and take her as she is.
10. Your health is very important – do whatever it takes to protect it.

I think he would have kept going if I hadn’t started asking him more questions about himself. He started telling me more about his story, including, “I’m a billionaire, no *********** you.” He took me to his gold mining website to prove it to me. His former Navy Seal body guard gave me enough incentive to believe him.

He was a very interesting man with lots of very interesting things to say. But it seemed his wisdom had served him well. He had moved to Canada from Greece and managed to make a good life for himself. And he had lived his rules. He was speaking from experience. Paul is not the ultimate source of wisdom, but on that day, in that unexpected place, he was a welcome source. Enjoy his secrets to success.

When he got up to leave I asked him why he had sought me out, and he said it just seemed like I might be willing to listen. Two final lessons in that:
11. Have an openness about yourself and it might surprise you what you will learn
12. Once you’ve learned, seek people out to share it with. Just like Paul did, and does.

Why are you here?

2011-06-26T22:37:00.000-07:00

One morning in Kenya I was asked to go and speak to the students of Samro School in Ilula during their morning devotions. I was told the mission was essentially to just take time to encourage them about their education and to do well in school. So the night before I started doing a bit of research about education in Kenya, along with the Girl Effect. The stats about Kenya were not surprising really; they are near the top of the results for Africa, but relative success does not indicate they are reaching their potential. In fact, in Kenya, only one in three students graduates from secondary school (high school) by age 19. And if you are a girl, the number moves to ONE in FIVE.

This is important because the Girl Effect (Google it, if you haven’t yet) demonstrates how the education of a girl brings many benefits beyond her own learning – benefits that will affect her family, her children, her livelihood. In the developing world, 90% of a woman’s wage is invested back into her family; while only 30-40% of a man’s wage comes back to his family. For each year of primary school she completes, her eventual wage goes up 10-20%; for each year of secondary school, the eventual wage goes up 15-25%. The longer she goes in school the less likely she is to contract AIDS, get pregnant, or be forced into marriage. This means she will be in a better position to provide for her family, that her children will have more opportunities, and that success in those areas will build upon itself to sustain future success. Additionally, research has shown that there is a consistent relationship in developing countries between better infant and child health and higher levels of schooling among mothers. Clearly education is vital, for boys, and all the more for girls.

So my first question for the kids as I greeted them was, “Why are you here?” They looked rather confused. And I repeated it again, which made them even more confused. A few tried to answer and I explained to them that I didn’t actually want to know, but that I would come back to it. I began to share with them some of the facts surrounding education in Kenya. And then I shared about the Girl Effect. And I asked, “Why are you here?” They looked back, figuring I meant it was about location.

My point was opportunity, not their physical location that day. These kids are in a school that has good teachers, that is providing them unbelievable opportunity to further themselves and have an education that will lead to many opportunities down the road. However, what if they weren’t born in that area of Kenya? What about for the orphans who live at ELI’s Children’s home, what if they hadn’t been taken in by the home? Or even worse, what if they were born in Nairobi instead of Eldoret? Since close to half of the population of Nairobi lives in slums, the odds would not have been in their favor for future success. But instead, they are in Ilula, at Samro School. “Why are you here?” I asked them one final time.

And I ask you, “Why are you here?”, wherever here is for you. Because your’ here is not a slum in Kenya. The children of Samro School have opportunities that many children in Africa don’t have. And you most likely have opportunities that a lot of the world does not.

I’ve heard it said that success is a measure of what you do with what you have. What are you doing with what you have? And how does what you have factor into the question, “Why are you here?”

I guarantee you are here for something, and the things you have been given have been given for a purpose. I told the kids at Samro School that they should not waste their opportunity for a better life. And I urge you to hear the same thing: don’t waste your chance to do something better with what you’ve got.

TAX COLLECTORS AND CRIME BOSSES

2011-03-19T10:34:00.000-07:00

I recently saw the movie, The Untouchables, loosely based on the story of a small group of righteous treasury officials and police officers in Chicago going after the infamous crime boss, Al Capone. He is probably one of the most famous crime figures in the history of the United States. Though he is known to have participated in major mob and crime activity both in New York City and Chicago, his eventual arrest came at the hands of the Treasury Department over a tax charge. Clearly his reputation of violence and thievery was well documented. People were scared of him, justifiably, so it would seem. And, they probably thought he was quite the sinner.

In Jesus’ time there was a man who also developed a bad reputation, though it was strictly for his dealings with tax money, not the mob. The story comes from Luke 19 as Jesus entered Jericho. As the streets filled and were lined with people wanting to catch a glimpse of Jesus, this man with the bad reputation, Zacchaeus, wanted to see him also. But he was short, and thus forced his necessity of climbing a tree in order to look down on the street where Jesus would pass. When Jesus encountered this man in the tree, He told him to come down and that He would stay at his house. There was probably a collective gasp as the crowd around heard this, fore Zacchaeus was the chief tax collector and very wealthy, and known for being crooked in his tax collecting ways. The whisperers in the crowd couldn’t contain themselves, “He has gone to be the guest of a sinner.” (my emphasis) How could this great man enter their city of Jericho and go to the crooked man’s house?

I imagine today’s day and age, where people only line the streets waiting to catch a glimpse of people like the President and the Pope, is not all that different than the 1920s when Capone was alive and running the streets of Chicago. There probably weren’t many people who could draw a massive crowd to line the streets, just for a short glimpse, but I’m sure the President or Pope could have got them out. And say that one of those two figures headed to Chicago in the 1920s and Al Capone came out to see them. The President or the Pope stops their caravan when they see Capone, calling him out of the crowd and saying for all to hear, “I must stay at your house tonight.” That same collective gasp that aired out of the crowd in Jericho could be heard that day in Chicago. “He has gone to be the best guest of a sinner,” they would complain.

The President and the Pope are both prominent men, though they do not compare to Jesus Christ. But in terms of the sorts of crowds and reputations that each brings, those are the only people I could manage to compare them to in this era. All three are associated with goodness, uprightness, and justice – direct opposites of the things which came to mind when one thought of Zacchaeus the chief tax collector and Al Capone the crime boss. And that is where the difference between the President and the Pope, and Jesus become glaringly obvious. Neither the President nor the Pope would have stopped to have Capone talk with them, let alone stay at his house. In fact, they probably would have told the driver to speed up as they came across him. Or the security would have swept him away long before they came anywhere near that area. And while Zacchaeus wasn’t the violent man Capone was supposed to be, he was a known thief and criminal in the eyes of the people of that time. That didn’t stop Jesus one bit; it probably even made him want to stop more so that he could get to know the man.

There are several things that blow my mind as I think about Jesus stopping to talk with, and then asking to stay with a man like Zacchaeus. First, similar to the way the woman caught in adultery was treated, Jesus didn’t condemn this sinner over his sins. Instead, He told him that He wanted to stay with him and invest in his life. What a message. Jesus could have easily told him all the bad things he had done and the people he had stolen from, yet when it came down to it, the most important thing was to love and spend time with Zacchaeus. Secondly, the crowd was just like our society today. They judged and pointed the finger at both Jesus and Zacchaeus, questioning why Jesus would do such a thing as hang out with a sinner like that stealing tax collector. Yet, shouldn’t they have been excited that Jesus, this amazing teacher was going to spend time with the sinner? Maybe this is exactly what Zacchaeus would need to start being honest and fair? As it turned out, it was truly the thing he needed.

Upon hearing Jesus’ request for him to come out of the tree and stay at his house, Zacchaeus pledged to give away half his belongings and pay back four times the amount of anything he had stolen from people. But if the crowd had their way, it would have never happened. Nobody would have invested in Zacchaeus, because he didn’t deserve it and because he had done so many bad things. Today we often do the same thing as we question and antagonize those who are doing wrong; yet we rarely step up and invest in people’s lives when they are in need. Of course, we aren’t exactly Jesus, but if we enter a situation with an attitude of helping and investment isn’t that a much better option than pointing fingers and questioning?

Lastly, Jesus could have chosen to stay with anybody from that crowd; easily he could have found some people who were living morally better than Zacchaeus was. Yet, in the midst of it all, He chose the poorly respected tax collector. Why would He do such a thing? I can’t speak exactly for Him, but from whom the Bible makes Him to be and from my own experience, He seeks to love people that don’t deserve it, and to do it for their sake. He chose Zacchaeus because he wanted to invest in and love him, despite his sinning ways. It’s a wonderful lesson for each of us as we wonder if our failings are ever too much to be overcome, if in spite of the ways we fall short every single day, if our Lord and Creator could love us. Whether it was Zacchaeus the tax collector, Al Capone the crime boss, or John Olinger the sinner, I have no doubt He would love them and invest in them. It’s who He was, and who He is asking us to be.

Will you throw the first stone?

2011-03-09T11:31:00.000-08:00

Adultery is one of those things which brings out all sorts of emotions and reactions. It can drive apart relationships and families, and has very serious consequences. But if we think that adultery is a serious sin today, how much more the consequences of such actions in ancient times. Today what might lead to harsh thoughts, words, and broken homes, would have led to a stoning in front of the entire town two thousand years ago. Not to be taken lightly now, and even more so back then, it is incredibly interesting that in John 8 Jesus disperses a hostile crowd ready to stone a woman caught in the act of adultery. In the midst of the temple court yard Jesus sat and taught those willing to listen. While he taught, the authorities and the self-righteous of the time, the Pharisees, and other teachers of the law brought forward this woman. Interrupting him, they shouted that this woman had been caught in an adulterous act. Surely there was not a single person within the courtyard who missed the message. It probably even drew people closer in to see what was going to happen. They asked Jesus to respond to the accusations against her, following the Mosaic Law that required her to be stoned.

Think about the equivalent today, the person brought before the court, through the press and media, blatantly guilty. Whether the most notable athlete, the famous actor, the politician, or the unknown person, each is skewered through the reports in the paper with judgment offered up. They are hurt by those reports but even more so by the people they have known. Their actions may have been heinous and wrong, but what a time to abandon such a person, such a friend. The time when someone is in their greatest need, they are left to deal with their failure in judgment and action, alone.

Jesus paid little attention to the community leaders as they addressed Him. He bent over and began writing something in the dirt. The leaders continued to question him, they wanted a response; they wanted him to condemn this woman for her sin. And then He said it. “If any one of you is without sin, let him be the first to throw a stone at her,” as the courtyard went silent. As he continued to write in the dirt, the leaders backed away, one by one, realizing their own downfalls. Eventually, Jesus looked up to find only the woman standing there with Him. All the others were gone; their condemnation with them, and Jesus let the woman walk away, only asking that she leave that life of sin.

We don’t get off that way in the world today; we don’t make mistakes and commit crimes without being condemned for those actions. And I’m not saying we shouldn’t be held responsible for our actions, fore that would be a dangerous thing. However, when our actions fall short how much better to be loved as we face the consequences of our actions.

A few years back a friend of mine was sentenced to more than seven years in federal prison for some poor choices he made. Though indirectly, he hurt other people in the process of his decision making. He was arrested on the charges over two years before the final sentence was given. When it first happened I didn't know what to do or think about him. It was all over the papers and people were saying all sorts of things about him. I had known him for about thirteen years at that point. And while I didn't agree with the things he had done, I knew I needed to support him. Yet I failed miserably at it. I probably called him once every three months for almost two years, but we would never connect and I really wasn't supporting him as I should have been.

About six months before his sentencing, I realized that he was probably in need of some true friendship. At that point I had known him close to fifteen years, and even though I still didn't agree with his choices, I realized I needed to make a significant effort to be his friend. Not just somebody to call him up every three months, but somebody to sit and talk with him about real stuff, to enjoy a meal together, to show him God's love through a legitimate friendship. And that is what I feel was formed during the six months prior to his sentencing. We got together about once every three weeks, and while it wasn't all that frequent, we had great talks during the times we were together. We discussed the things he was facing, the things he had faced, and the struggle to come to grips with his own responsibility in the state of his life. The talks were not always easy, but I believe we were both incredibly blessed because of the time together. Our friendship grew in ways it never had before.

That brings us to the day he when he was to face his sentencing in a lonely courtroom in Portland. It turned out to not be so lonely as close to thirty faces filled the aisles in the back of the courtroom to offer support to this man. Prominent folks from the community who have known him for a long time came out to offer their well wishes and their affirmation of this man, despite his downfall. None of them would have encouraged his choices, but every single one of them chose to love him despite them. While it is not easy to love somebody who has made poor decisions, that seems all the more reason to be loving them and helping them to regain their balance. To love them and help them grow, or not to love them and watch them continue to struggle?

It was about two weeks after the sentencing when my Dad told me about a person he knew that was condemning the love shown to that man. He said he had run into this woman and she said, "How could John and (another name) go and support him after all the things he had done? How could they show up in that courtroom?" Good question, with a good answer. We, meaning the thirty some other people and I, decided the best choice was to love. We had the option to turn our backs on that man, but when it came down to it, love was the answer. There was no way to go back and undo the things he had done, so we might as well have loved him where he was at. Everyday we face people who have made mistakes, whether on the largest scale that will send them to prison or the smallest which causes no visible damage, shall we love them or not? To me there is no question.

To Jesus the answer was obvious as well. He realized that these leaders had sinned, though in different ways than the woman had. It would have been easy to throw the stones at the woman, clearly she was guilty, but how much better to use it as a teaching moment? Her guilt was plain, and theirs was hidden; if we are constantly condemning others for their mistakes, how blind we must be to our own downfalls. When realizing that we all fall short, helping others to improve their situation seems to be a much better idea than condemning them. It comes back to the comparisons we make between ourselves and others, are we tearing others down so that we might climb higher? Jesus was reminding us that we all operate on the same plane, even when the downfalls of some are much more obvious than others. And that regardless of those downfalls, we are loved. It is about who we are, not what we’ve done.

I spoke...and God showed up...

2010-12-28T18:55:00.000-08:00

About an hour’s drive from Raleigh, out in the rural countryside town of Louisburg, lies a junior college. Normally AIA has nothing to do with junior colleges, but in this case the former coach was a friend of our AIA coach and had thus agreed to play a friendly match. We didn’t really know what we were getting into, and after only a couple weeks of practice, headed out to the countryside to play this school.

Walking into Louisburg College felt like walking into the gym in Hoosiers. It looked like a barn from the outside, and the gym itself was completely made of wood. You can’t blame our problems on the archaic gym, but the game started horribly. They had an alley-oop dunk on the first play of the game and just seemed to roll from there. By the time halftime came, we were down a few points. To a junior college. Very embarrassing.

One of the things that happens during a game with Athletes in Action is that one of our players shares a bit of their life story at halftime. Normally, this is not a big deal. But when you are losing, you sort of feel like you don’t have much credibility. So as the buzzer sounded for the half and our coach pointed at five of us to head up into the balcony without a microphone, the butterflies really started fluttering in my stomach.

The five of us slowly wandered to towards the stairs, glancing at one another as if to say, “Are we really doing this?” None of us wanted to, I promise you. At the top of the stairwell I gathered the 4 other guys, said a quick prayer, and walked out into the balcony. The looks on the people’s faces were pure bewilderment. Teams don’t leave the court and walk up into the stands during a college basketball game. Which made their looks all the more priceless as I yelled out, “Excuse me, can I get your attention for five short minutes?” With jaws open wide, many of them nodded their heads in acknowledgment, as if to say, “Your boldness in this bizarre situation has granted you the freedom to speak...”

So for five minutes, I spoke (yelled) to the crowd in front of me. There were probably 150-200 students from Louisburg College sitting there, in silence. I found common ground with some as I shared about my Mom’s death, and how in the aftermath I found comfort in the love of Jesus. I finished and they clapped respectively. My teammates weaved their way into the crowd talking with some of those who listened, while I was able to take a step back, gather a deep breath, and stand in awe at what just happened.

This was one of those situations where God had to show up for it to go okay. Without God’s hand upon it, it would have gone down, quickly. The crowd of 18, 19, and 20 year-olds had no reason to listen. And in honesty, I didn’t want to go up there and speak with them, as much as they probably didn’t want to hear from me. I was flippin scared. But I just went for it, trusting that it was the Lord’s.

God showed up and created the opportunity to share in quiet as they listened attentively. It created the chance for my teammates and I to have some conversations with the students before halftime ended and then again after the game. It was absolutely crazy amazing.

Of course there are other games where we have a microphone and the crowd responds much worse, almost as if you aren’t there speaking. And God is in those as well, as you learn to have grace and patience for those listeners. But to see Him show up in such a daunting situation was such an encouragement to push on, to step-out, and to be bold. I stepped out, but Jesus showed up and He gets all the glory.

What I'm thankful for...

2010-11-24T16:51:00.000-08:00

Two times recently I have driven down one of the main streets in my city and seen a person struggling along. It was in the exact same spot, about two months apart. Both times I was driving down Commercial and looked to my right as I passed the block between Bush and (can't remember the name of the other street - though I am sure it was the exact same spot) and saw them. The first time it was a guy push rolling his own wheelchair and the second time a man leaning heavily on a cane on a night when the temperature was below freezing.

Both instances I became keenly aware that I should offer to help this person. Both times were in the evening when all I wanted to do was go home. Both times I drove several blocks past before I turned back to try and intercept the person and help them - most likely by giving them a ride somewhere. And both times, the man (who I now actually think was the same guy both times; he was just progressing through his recovery from wheelchair onto the cane) turned me down indicating he only had a short distance to go.

I have a lot of thoughts about the situation, but tonight the two that stand out are: how blessed I have been and how much I have to be thankful for. I'm thankful for a car to drive in (especially during these cold times of the year). I've been blessed with people to take care of me and nourish me when my health has been poor. I'm thankful that those times are few and far between and that I have had good health. I'm thankful that God is teaching me about selflessness by presenting opportunities to try to be selfless. And lastly, I'm thankful that when I make a choice of selflessness I'm humbled by how much I truly have and that I haven't done anything to deserve any of it. It just makes me want to hold it all loosely knowing its been a gift and that I should freely share it with others who are in need.

So much to be thankful for tonight, and every night.

Get off the throne!

2010-08-16T23:22:00.000-07:00

God gave me this reminder the other day, and I think is a big part of what I’m going through right now as I wait and see what’s next. He’s begging me to get off His throne. He’s given me talents and contacts, and I have been very blessed to have some amazing things happen because of them. But I really felt God just speaking me to say, “You didn’t make all that happen – I did. I’m the only King here.”

Because I’m driven to accomplish things, and at the moment my work is all about physical accomplishment, it is easy to become mistaken like I’m the one who makes it all happen. Yeah, I’m putting in the work, but God is the one who orchestrates it all and opens the door. And He doesn’t want me to forget that.

So I was trying to think what scripture would accurately reflect the thought I had? And then I was reading in the book Experiencing God last night, and BAM! it came up in the chapter I was reading! Now that is a blessing. It came from the book of John, verse 5:15. “I am the vine, and you are the branches…” That’s the one… Jesus is the vine. He provides everything, and I only grow and can flourish when I am connected to the vine. I can’t get lost thinking I’m the vine.

Its not like I was consciously saying, “I’m the King,” or the vine or whatever you want to call it. This sort of proclamation just comes about from the way I live my life, from the thoughts I have, and mostly from the worries I have. I realized that I had got caught up thinking, I have to make it happen. Whatever you want to call it, I was feeling like it all relied upon me and that I made all things go.

God’s reminder to me has come just after some other friends have reminded that God loves me and wants the best for me. He wants me to know that. Just like He wants you to know that He loves you and wants the best things possible for you. We always want control. But God’s the controller and if we will put Him on the throne, He’ll do the best thing for us.

If only I had the time...

2010-05-16T14:09:00.000-07:00

Today was a bit frantic as I tried to cram a bunch of things in before my trip to London. When I finally parked at our office in the city ‘centre’ (center to you Americans reading) of Coventry, I had 26 minutes before my train left. In that 26 minutes I needed to run up to the office, drop some things off, speak with Sal (the club secretary), walk to the train station (15 solid minutes walking briskly), and pick up my ticket. So those 26 minutes were spent to the full. I made it just in time, and had a little help with a 3 minute delay on the train arriving. I tell you all this because on my way walking to the train station I walked by at least two homeless people. I thought to myself, I would love to stop and chat with this person and help them however I possibly could – but I really don’t have time today. People say they don’t have time most of the time, but today was one of those days where I really didn’t. But I was thinking, it would have been good if I did.

So I high-tailed it past those folks and made it to my train. Sat down and had some time to read, edit a video, talk to Scott (my coach) on the phone, and have some peace and quiet on the two hour journey to London. I got off the train and headed to meet my buddy Dan at his hotel before we grabbed some dinner. As I walked down Tottenham Court Road I passed a woman sitting outside the Tesco quietly asking, “Can you spare any change today?” About 10 paces past her I had a flashback of my walk through Coventry just two hours earlier… “I would love to stop… if I had the time…”

After a quick u-turn I was back squatting next to the woman asking her if she needed something to eat. This is a fairly easy way to try and help somebody get through the day. Sometimes I wonder if it matters though, I mean somehow they are going to survive aren’t they? There are shelters and soup kitchens in most cities where people can go if they really need food. “I could really use some Subway or some Wasabi (fast-food sushi),” she said in her quiet and sweet voice that seemed like it was straight out of a movie. I motioned in front of me towards Tesco as I asked her, “What about from in here?” I was a bit perplexed with her response because she said, “Pizza will do. Pepperoni Pizza.” However I didn’t think Tesco sold hot pizza. I decided to venture in and have a look anyways and told her I would be right back.

After scouring the store, it was clear they did not do hot pizzas. So I shrugged my shoulders and walked back to her to tell her the bad news. But she told me, “I have a friend who will let me cook it at her place.” It sounded like it would work after all. “Would you like something to drink as well?” Her answer again caught me off-guard. I was thinking it would be “Coke” or “Juice” or “Water”, but she said, “Fresh-squeezed orange juice would be great.” In my head I was thinking, “Did she really just ask me for fresh-squeezed orange juice? Who does that? Shouldn’t she just be content with orange juice?” None the less, I said okay and walked back into the store to seek out a pizza and some fresh-squeezed orange juice.

I found the pizza rather easily, but when I came to the juice section I hesitated. “Do I really need to get her fresh-squeezed orange juice? I can just get her the stuff not made from concentrate and feel okay about myself….” As I thought more about it though I decided to go with the fresh-squeezed, because I realized how little difference 40 pence would make in the big picture, AND that if I’m treating this woman like I would treat Jesus (Matthew 25:40) then she’s entitled to be spoiled a bit. Plus, why not brighten her day with some fresh-squeezed orange juice? When was the last time somebody did something really nice for her? I guess it comes down to a choice of choosing to bless someone and trying to encourage them. I don’t know whether or not she deserved for me to buy her anything, but that’s not the point. Every person is important…whether or not they’ve made great choices with their life. On top of all that, I chose to walk from Euston to Dan’s hotel so I’d saved my Tube fare – I didn’t plan it, but my walk freed me to give that much more.

Forgive the rambling and soap boxing… I bought the food, took it out to her, and kneeled down to speak with her for a bit. I asked her what her name was and introduced myself. Her hands were worn, weathered, and dirty - stained with the evidence of time on the streets and drug use. Sue was like many of the people I’ve chatted with on the streets – in need of food, shelter, and care – and dying for somebody to talk to. So with the bit of interest I showed, she started pouring out her story: drug/alcohol addict for nearly 20 years, been to detox but couldn’t stick it out, best friend was her brother who died last year (also an addict), has been beaten up badly including having half of her pinky finger chopped off (for unpaid debt),mother blames her for father’s death (worrying), has children taken care of by a non-drug using sister, wants to do her rehab closer to the family so they can support her, and not willing/able at the moment to get off the streets.

This poured out over the course of about 15 minutes as my knees cramped up from kneeling. I think I readjusted myself about 5 times in all. She continued sharing though, and one of the things she was dealing with in addition to her drug/alcohol problems was a broken heart. She was mourning her brother and having a very difficult time coping with it all. I think the reality of all her bad choices was hitting her as she lost her best friend and was left to dwell in the consequences completely alone. And that was when she pulled up her sleeve to show me how she tried to end the hurt and pain. The entire underside of her wrist was deeply scarred.

Sue wasn’t proud of who she was or what she had done and she dipped her head after telling me all those things and showing me her scars. It was clear to me that she needed to be reminded that she was loved, that she was cared for, and that even when she was going through all this. I asked her if I could pray for her, and she said it’s been done before and it hasn’t helped. “Well, do you mind if I do it for you anyways?” She nodded her approval and I placed my hand on her back.

My prayer went something like this: “Lord, I thank you for today. And I thank you that Sue was here today, and that you prompted me to stop. I pray that you would remind Sue that she is loved and valued, and that you would transform her life. Provide her with the ability to get out of the circumstances stand she is in and break her bonds to the drugs and alcohol. Bring people into her life that will care for her and help her. And I pray Lord that she would come to fully understand your love. Be with her today. Amen.”

Sue said thanks as she wiped the moisture from her face, and then asked me, “What’s your name again?” I told her and she said, “That was my brother’s name, John.” I think it’s funny (in a good way) how God works out things like that. “I think God wanted to use me to remind you that your brother is watching over and still cares for you. And that you are loved.” I smiled as I said this and she let a small grin come across her face until she blurted out, “Oh I need a drink.” With that she pulled open her coat and exposed a large bottle of wine which she had managed to keep tucked away for our entire conversation.

And that was her reality. Even with food to be had and somebody stopping to speak kind words of love and truth with her, it wasn’t enough for where she was at. She’s deep into her trouble, but I pray and hope that she’ll find her way out.
I let her know that I needed to leave to meet my friend, but first I reminded her that she was a great woman. That even in the midst of her circumstances she was still a wonderfully kind woman, and that people care about her, and most importantly God cares about her. “I’m thankful for you Sue. Keep hanging in there. I hope to see you again.”

With that I stood up and walked gingerly away as my legs released the tension from squatting down low to speak with her. I didn’t look back, it would have been hard to see her still sitting there the same. I wish I could just fix her – that I could just solve her problems and give her the life she wants. But I can’t. And it’s a tough learning position. But I do believe God can heal Sue and help her. I pray that the seed I planted on Tuesday May 4, 2010 will be watered on a day very soon.

Its been awhile...

2010-05-05T14:02:00.001-07:00

It's been almost 3 (yes, THREE!) years since I started this blog. I'm amazed at all the experiences I've had in that time, and yet how fast it has all gone.

When it was started, the blog was all about sharing the stories of people I met through different outreach opportunities. And over time I've dabbled by sharing some other experiences and learning opportunities I've been blessed with...

But I think its time I get back to where the blog began, and that's with the people in need I've come across in all parts of the world. This coincides with the fact that I'm going to edit my book one last time and go the self-publishing route. It's been sitting on the shelf waiting for me to do something with it for over a year now, and it's time.

So I'll be posting some excerpts from the book, as well as some new experiences I've had during recent months. Thanks for taking the time to read them. Hopefully they will both challenge and encourage you as they have for me.

We must fight to be moral...

2010-01-19T02:54:00.000-08:00

“Anything that does not strengthen me morally is the enemy of virtue within me. Whether I overcome, thereby producing virtue, depends on the level of moral excellence in my life. But we must fight to be moral. Morality does not happen by accident; moral virtue is acquired.” Oswald Chambers, My Utmost for His Highest, December 4 entry

I’ve been meaning to journal on this entry for about six weeks now, and I’m just finally getting around to it. But after re-reading the words this morning, they still speak an enormous amount of truth to me. If I don’t make conscious choices to fight against immorality, then I can’t help but being pulled towards it

But what does it mean to be moral anyways? And why is it important? The simplest way I can think to put it is that being moral is drawing as close as possible to the standard that God has for us to live our lives. Though it is not for the standard’s sake that God calls us to that – but rather that when we live at that place two things happen for us: 1) we are able to know God more clearly, 2) we will be able to avoid many of the self-inflicted traps which are laid by our poor, selfish choices.

I could go on and share specifics about what I think it means to act ‘morally’, but I think it’s rather a moment-by-moment sort of evaluative process and submission to God…. Is this something that is morally right? Is this something that is drawing me closer to God? Or does it pull me further away?

Though it is unlikely I will ever be completely moral, I long for it. Morality won’t grant me salvation or redeem me (only God can do that), but it will pull me toward virtue. It will help me know God better. It will help me care for others better. And for that, I know it’s worth the fight.

Happy 2010...

2010-01-13T13:11:00.000-08:00

I can’t believe 2010 has come. 2009 flew by, with many great memories. And as I start to think about this year, I know there are going to be challenges and decisions facing me. Living in community will bring its issues, as will playing for a young basketball team. Decisions regarding basketball, where to live, work, and how all three of those things tie into each other will surface and require processing. God has taken me on a crazy journey this last two years since I had my jaw surgery, and as much as I think I have it figured out at times… I’m just going to do my part, listen and look to where God may be taking me, and have some fun…. See for yourselves…. Happy 2010!

I'm Climbing the Fences....

2009-11-22T08:16:00.000-08:00

" I'm climbing the fences,
I'm crossing the seas,
I'll cover the distance,
I just want You to shine on me."

Those are the words from the chorus of a song I've really been enjoying lately. It's called 'Heaven and Earth', and the artist is Phil Wickham. I love the words. It epitomizes what I want my faith in Christ to be about - doing whatever it takes to come to Christ. In another part of the song Wickham speaks of stepping out and crossing the line between Heaven and Earth.

The thought of these lyrics left me very challenged the other day as I was walking in the city center of Coventry. There is a homeless man that most days sits in the same spot in that area - and I've bought food for him on many occasions. We usually converse for a few minutes on those occasions, and I feel like I've done my deed for the day until the next time our paths cross.

But what about when they don't exactly cross? What about when I'm in a hurry? It's easy for me to stop and buy him some food from the grocery store nearby when it's a part of what I'm doing. But am I willing to cross the street and go the way that I wasn't going before? Wickham's lyrics stood out to me the other day as I walked on the opposite side of the street, in the opposite direction and saw that guy sitting in his usual spot. I thought to myself, "I'm not even willing to cross the street - let alone the seas."

So the lyrics served their purpose - they are calling me out and seeking to bring me closer to the Lord. It may not always be the right time and place to cross the street to help that man, but if I don't ever do it then something is wrong. That's as easy as it gets - a 25 foot walk. If I want Christ to shine on me, I need to step out.

I hope you find challenge in my words today.

Old verses given new meaning

2009-10-27T10:47:00.001-07:00

Quote from the pastor at church:

“A way we can show our love for God is by loving other people.”

When I consider the two greatest commandments, I always look at them as two different commandments: “Love God, with all your heart, soul, and mind” And “Love your neighbor as yourself”. However, in actuality they are one and the same. I heard a sermon when I was back in Oregon, and this idea about what it meant to love God became clearer for me. When I’ve noted the two different commandments that Christ made as the greatest for his followers people have asked me, “What does it mean to ‘love God’? How do you do that?” And I sort of came up with an answer focused on me and ‘believing’ in some theology. But after hearing the sermon point out Matthew 25, I finally realized more about what it means to love God – “And the King will say, ‘I tell you the truth, when you did it to one of the least of my brothers and sisters, you were doing it to me.’” (Matt 25:40) Hmm, so loving God is really about loving other people? I hadn’t put it that way before.

Then moving on to 1 John chapter 4, it goes a step further: “Dear friends, since God loved us that much, we surely out to love each other. No one has ever seen God. But if we love each other, God lives in us, and his love is brought to full expression in us.” (v 11-12)

I don’t know why it finally clicked for me with that sermon, because I have read both of those verses many times before. But for some reason it stuck out to me that day! Now, I guess the next question is, what does it mean to love other people?? The next blog will touch upon that, based upon the passages I used here!

Throw your stone...

2009-08-09T19:30:00.000-07:00

A year ago, almost exactly to the day, our bus stopped at the bottom of a steep hill in the Israeli country side. As we filed off the bus onto the dusty terrain, our coach (John) told us we were going up. It was probably the steepest ascent we made, but John flew up the hill with ease as our group spread out and steadily made our way towards the top. When the group finally got seated in a circle overlooking a huge valley, John asked us if anybody knew where we were. Silence. "What would you say if I told you that right there," pointing out towards the valley floor, "was where David slayed Goliath?" The way he told it later, our eyes got so big and wide that you would have thought somebody just gave us a new car.

John proceeded to tell us that the valley we were looking down upon was the valley of Elah, and that he knew so based upon the surrounding hills and mountains. (He identified them all...but my note taking wasn't that fast). He then took out his Bible and had us read through the account of when David went and slayed the giant Philistine Goliath. Prior to being chosen (or choosing) or both) to take on Goliath, David had been at work in the fields as a sheepherder. Everyday he had been out there tending to the needs of his flock - providing direction for them and protecting them from predators. At that time lions and bears would have both been in the area, and sheep were easy prey. So at the tender age of 8 (could have been as young as 7 or old as 9) David was forced to protect his flock in whatever way possible. He had to learn to stop the lions and bears from preying on his flock. He did this with the use of a sling and rocks. If he didn't get good at using the sling, his flock would have been killed. And in fact, probably he himself. Yet, he was still alive at the age of 11 (could have been 10 or 12 - it's up for debate amongst the experts) to be chosen to stand against Goliath so he must have learned to use it well.

With that context set.... how difficult do you think it was for David to throw a stone and kill a man (albeit a giant)? Answer: it was just another day. He had been keeping large, angry predators away for several years.

And that is where the message became new for us. John told us that in light of these thoughts what David did was not as remarkable. But rather, it was something that God had been preparing him for everyday through the circumstances of his life. Even though he didn't know it, everyday he was preparing for the biggest day of his life - the day that would make him King of Israel. When he was a lowly shepherd boy, he was learning the skills that would be necessary to do something that was seemingly impossible. It only became possible because he had done the tedious, menial work.

We walked back down the hill and over to same riverbed that David picked up his stones from. (He picked up five, but only needed one) John told us each to pick up a stone and take it home with us. Mine now sits right here next to my desk, reminding me to prepare daily for whatever and wherever God is going to use me. When the time comes, I'll be ready to throw my stone just as David was when his time came.

Being blessed with nice things….

2009-07-25T19:51:00.000-07:00

I feel so unworthy sometimes. Much has been given to me, and what have I really done to earn it? Nothing, and maybe that is why I feel guilty sometimes. Or rather, most of the time. But it’s not just feeling guilty for having it, but goes further to the point of feeling like I need to give those things away. This all came to my mind as I was completely blessed with a first class seat on my nearly 6 hour flight from NYC to PDX. As I saw my name on the seat confirmation list, I got excited. And as I walked down the ramp towards the plane I thanked God for the blessing of the seat because it had been a long day already (got up at 3:30 AM GBT.. and it was already 12:30 AM GBT...21 hour day with a 6 hour flight ahead) and it would be well served for my body to have good food and space to sleep/relax.

Yet, as I got to my seat and saw people filing by, I felt guilty as they gawked and waned for the comfort. Two ladies who walked gingerly stepped past me while my heart stopped and thought, I should give it to them so that they could rest properly. Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

(continued July 25 7:33 PM)
So, in the comfort of my plush first class seat I fell asleep while holding the ‘m’ button. I guess I was really tired. Anyways…back on topic….

I just have a really hard time receiving things that are nice. So I’ve been starting to think about how God may feel about my discomfort with his blessings. Two thoughts:
1) It’s not wrong to be blessed with nice things. There is no reason to feel guilty about things that have been given to you, but….
2) Each blessing requires discernment… to think that we should always keep things we are blessed with or always give away the things we have been blessed with limits the ability for the Holy Spirit to work. Also, it may mean you don’t get filled up in the way you need to, or that somebody else doesn’t get filled up because…
3) You wouldn’t let go of something that was given to you so that you may bless another person. Don’t hold so tight to your blessings that you miss the chance to help or bless another.

So how does one know what to do? It’s interpretation and listening to the Holy Spirit. Of course you can make a decision without doing that, or you can make a rule for all circumstances, but I truly believe that God is interested in all things in our lives and wants to share in the journey with us. By giving each and every situation to Him, and listening to what the Spirit is saying to our hearts, I think we can come to discern what to do with our blessings.
Obviously in this case I held onto the blessing I was given. It seemed to be a gift that God wanted to provide me. I was fortunate. And I thank Him for it. But the next time I get upgraded, I have to be willing to ask the question, “Lord, is this for me or another?”

2 months...really?

2009-07-16T22:29:00.000-07:00

Has it really been that long since I blogged???????????? 2 months? Really?

I know the exact time and place that I wrote my last entry – sitting in Costa Coffee at Gatwick Airport at 1 AM on May 1 – and I can’t believe all the things that have gone on since I did that. Spent time in Oregon, worked out during a lot of early mornings at the Coventry Sports Centre, coached all sorts of different kids, worked out during a lot of evenings at the sports centre near my house, spent 6 days in Spain playing ball and making new friends, done more coaching, completed a variety of consulting projects for the Crusaders, had meals with the different friends I made in Coventry, shot some hilarious videos, been to Dublin for 33 hours, said goodbye (or see you soon) to the friends I made in Coventry, and capped it off with yet another early trip to one of England’s airports this morning.

So much accomplished in a short period of time. And yet, I feel like with all my focus going to those things I lost track of so much back in the States. Because I was getting up early, I was going to bed early…which made the time difference an issue in terms of making phone calls. Between the time in the gym and the time doing work for the Crusaders, it left me very drained for outside communications and thought processing. Or maybe I just didn’t have time to think about it. In retrospect, it just seems as if I neglected much of what was happening at home.

Now as I have time to process and think it has become clear that I must figure out ways to be more disciplined and focused on keeping track of things at home. Not because I have to, but because I want to. It’s a matter of making effort to change now, because life only speeds up (unless we make that effort to slow down at times).

My question for you is this: what have you been neglecting in the last month? Six months? Year? What would you like to do that you aren’t doing? It could be keeping up with friends, or going to the gym, or wanting to take up a new hobby. Anything really. No doubt the things you are doing in your life, and the things I have been doing in mine are great and things I care about, but you and I can’t give up the things that matter just because we get busy. So, take the time right now and think about it. (seriously, do it now...you'll forget to do it later or get too busy...)

An Eye (or a kick or a thrown ball or a punch) for an Eye (or a kick or a thrown ball or a punch)

2009-05-11T06:39:00.000-07:00

The culture of the world gets put on display by adults acting out, but more importantly (and sad), is that the kids of the world demonstrate the culture that governs their lives. Because I spend time with so many kids right now, the effect is magnified for me. Undoubtedly the largest cultural trend I see (aside from loving ‘football’ ) is this thought line that if somebody hurts me I must hurt them back. I know that it’s not just prevalent in England – it’s everywhere – from adults to young children. But seeing it play out in these kids lives has brought it to the forefront of my mind.

One example: this boy named ‘Ryan’ comes to a lot of my sessions and he seems to be a real nice kid. Then all of a sudden one day, I turn and see him in a punching/shoving/kicking match with another boy. Of course that means I have to stop what I’m doing teaching kids basketball, and break up their fight. I separate them, sending Ryan towards the right wall and the other towards the left wall. Not knowing what happened I followed Ryan to the right to get it all sorted out. He was fighting off the tears as I got close to him, but I proceeded anyways. Apparently lacking savvy I asked, “What happened?” He finally gathered himself and told me that the other boy had been laughing at him. Hmm??? That didn’t seem like a very good reason to hit somebody and I told him so. He just looked at me with a puzzled face, as if I were speaking French. Eventually it seemed to click for him, and he responded, in a way that saddened me….

“My Dad told me that if somebody is laughing at me to sock them in the face and that will shut them up.”

EVERY session I do coaching there is some sort of experience like this where one action is countered by an escalated action. A light kick is combated by an angry kick. A ball thrown at a kid’s back is returned with a ball to their face when not looking, or as from the example, a punching war breaks out. You can say they are just kids being kids - I know I had my share of retaliation moments (ask the Wade boys, they will tell you some funny stories) – but where do they learn these things? From the people around them. If we as adults aren’t retaliating, and we are teaching them (as I tried to do with Ryan) that retaliation and violence aren’t the answer then we might have a chance to change the way our world works. If we don’t live it or teach it, it will only continue to mount.

This all made me think about walking along the wall in Palestine, and seeing the Gandhi inspired quote…

"How can I help you?"

2009-05-02T11:55:00.000-07:00

I have spent a fair amount of time around homeless folks, but it seems with each encounter I continue to learn and evolve in my understanding. Today was one of those days, as again I was snuck up upon and startled. This time it was a guy waving a magazine in my face, apparently wanting me to purchase it from him. I was in London, sitting outside a café on Picadilly doing some writing and was totally oblivious to his presence. In fact, he really startled me. As usual, I didn’t understand what he was saying in his thick, slurred British accent. Eventually I put two and two together – that is between the loud speech and the waving magazine – and determined he wanted me to give him some ‘quid’ in exchange for the magazine. I declined, and then he said he wanted 10 pence for a cup of tea. Again I declined.

And that is where my problem was. I didn’t realize I needed to ask one more question and ask it quickly.

Too late.

He was already moving, while he cursed me under his breath. I called to him and said I would be happy to go inside and buy him a tea, and he muttered something back at me of which I only understood, “McDonalds”. I looked at the guy sitting nearby and gave him a ‘did you just see that?’ look. He responded with a look I didn’t understand. Oh well.

But I started thinking about how it may have looked to anybody who was watching the scenario but couldn’t hear the dialogue. There could have been at least a dozen people with a good view of the encounter – not really a big deal, but I did have my Bible out while I was journaling. So here was this guy reading his Bible, and then a guy who is noticeably homeless comes up and asks him for money. He declines respectfully, but what sort of integrity does that give to the Bible and his supposed practice of faith?

I spent some time reflecting on this tonight as I was on the bus out to Gatwick Airport and I still wouldn’t give him any money if the situation were repeated (I have more thoughts/learning on this subject of giving money, but that will have to be the next blog); however, what I would do is have quickly responded with a question, and not just any question, but a pointed one – "How can I help you?"

I realized that is what it’s really all about when somebody comes up and asks me for money like that – How can I help them in that moment? It’s not about what they ask me for, but what can I offer them? Is it a warm drink? Is it a couple dollars (or quid/pounds in this case)? Is it an ear to listen? Because the situation is uncomfortable and uncertain, I am quick to respond with an answer to his question to try to quell the awkwardness. Or because he smells bad. Or because I don’t understand what he’s saying. Or whatever the reason. I am so focused on myself and how I feel that I don’t realize I need to ask him a question: “How can I help you right now?” I have the resources whether that is time or money, and why wouldn’t I help him if I can?

The only reason I can think of is because I’m too focused on me. And that is where I could come to practice better what I’m learning from reading that Bible.

Thoughts after having a drunk man ask me for money

2009-04-11T17:26:00.000-07:00

I was hurriedly making my way through the bus station in the ‘centre’ of Coventry last Saturday when a man stopped me. I had been walking with my head down towards the grocery store, on a mission of sorts, so he caught me off guard. After the time I’ve spent with folks who live on the streets I tend to notice or at least be aware of when somebody may come and ask me for money. Yet, with my head down and focus on the task at hand I was oblivious. As I sensed the figure in front of me, I lifted my head and established eye contact with a man significantly shorter than I. He reeked of alcohol. He also had a swollen left side of his face, but I couldn’t tell if that was part of his regular complexion or the result of some incident.

He asked me a question, but between his accent and the quickness of his speech (and quite possibly the effects of the alcohol in his system) I had no idea what he said. I asked him to repeat it, and this time I made out the question, “Do you have 54 pence so I can catch a bus to Walsgrave Hospital?” Whenever I am asked for money these days in my head I automatically begin to think, “NO!”; not because I want to be greedy, but I don’t want to be an enabler of people who have a habit. But if they have a good enough reason or explanation, I would like to help. In this case, I wanted to see how sound his story was so I asked him a few questions. I could tell you the specifics, but they wouldn’t make much difference to you. Just know that what he was asking to do, he had no idea how to . (At the time I didn't realize I could have helped him figure out how to do it....) So that (and the pungent odor of booze) led me to believe that I would be enabling him by giving him 54p.

Yet, as I walked away, I felt a bit convicted. Not because I didn’t give him money – I really
didn’t believe his story. But there were two areas that I was disappointed with myself:

1) I was in too big of a hurry, with nowhere to go. Yeah, I wanted to buy my groceries and get home, but we had nothing on the docket for the day. There was really no rush. So what I should have done was looked at the evidence – namely his swollen left side of his face – and said, “Hmm, maybe he really does need to go to the Hospital? I should help him find the right means to get there.” It would have taken me less than five minutes to walk with him to the stand where he could have caught the bus to the hospital, and I could have bought his bus ticket. It would have helped him, and I wouldn’t have been enabling him. If he really didn’t want the bus then he would have turned me down if I had offered to walk with him to the stand.

2) What if that was Jesus? I mean, I don’t picture Jesus as a short, British man who is drunk at noon – but the Bible says that what you’ve done for the least of these, you’ve done for Jesus Himself (Matthew 25:35-45). If they are hungry feed them, if they are thirsty give them a drink, and if they need clothes give them to them. If they need to get to the hospital and you can help get them there, then do it. Did I miss a chance to help Jesus?

Should they stay or should they go???

2009-03-31T14:18:00.000-07:00

Most days I head to a secondary school (essentially a high school) in the afternoon to do some coaching. The kids attending these sessions are usually in primary school, aged between 8 and 11. They have just left the bounds of their teachers and classrooms to head into a 'sports hall' (gym). Apparently that means it is time to run around wrecklessly, throw and kick balls as far as possible, and be generally unattentive to whoever is attempting to keep order.

I'm unfairly stereo-typing all the kids at this moment. Not every kid is like that. Well, pretty much all of them try to kick and throw balls as far as they can, but most are attentive when I ask it from them. But there is at least one kid every session who is causing disruption and making my life harder. I'm sure this is an every day occurence for an elementary school teacher...but I'm not an elementary school teacher so I'm not used to dealing with such things. I put up with it for some time, but eventually it leads me to the point of having to make a decision if I am going to allow them to stay or not.

At such point I start wrestling in my head, "I want (fill in name) to stay and learn about basketball and get better, but they are being disruptive. If I send them away will they come back? Will they come back better behaved? Will they end up doing something negative with their time instead? Even if they don't come back again, will the group be better off without them causing disruption?"

This little metaphor of letting somebody stay or asking them to leave because of their failure to behave is probably applicable to many different facets of life, from parenting to running a company. It's a learning experience for me, but I'm being enlightened and challenged to do things which don't come natural to me (such as sending a kid away). My communication is improving as a result, having to be more clear about my expectations for behavior. Even though I can bear the troubles these kids put me through, it's not doing them any good in the long run if I allow them to continue to disrupt and disrespect. So they have pushed my hand to the place it always should have been....they should go. I need to be caring and affirming in that, but allowing them to stay after repeated warnings makes me look spineless and hinders their development as productive citizens.

I think you get the point. Just a glimpse of some of the day to day here....and the learning it inspires.

Shifter? or Lifter?

2009-03-27T15:43:00.000-07:00

Last Saturday I went with my housemate Pete to a men's breakfast at his church. The people were cool and the food sufficed, though it was very English. The speaker was also very English, but managed to bring some good points. (I just realized I said, 'but' as if being a speaker from England is supposed to be bad...I didn't mean it like that. Just that he was very English in his speech and his delivery - not a bad thing, really.) He was discussing how men can encourage one another better, and the last point/question he left us with stuck in my mind:

"Are you a shifter or a lifter?"

A few questions ran through my head as he said this: "What do you mean a shifter? A lifter? What is that?" In short time he answered my question. He was speaking of responsibility when he was talking about shifting and lifting. Shifters move the responsibility and burden of issues/problems/challenges while lifters bear those burdens and seek out solutions. His basic point was that we can encourage one another better by being lifters rather than shifters.

This phrase probably stuck in my head because of recently finishing "The QBQ!" and being reminded that I know I don't want to be a shifter. I don't want to put blame on other people or shift the responsibility to another. In reality those things are much easier than being a lifter. Lifting the weight of responsibility and challenges can be time consuming and difficult; but it offers encouragement to my brothers. It takes weight off of their backs - it allows them to be lifters for the brothers in their lives.

2009-03-18T03:08:00.000-07:00

I have a fascination with the signs that are posted all over these different British cities. Nearly everyday I walk by a sign on the street, on a billboard, on the inside of the bus, or in this case, the outside of a bus, that really leaves me wondering or thinking. It was about two weeks ago when I came across this sign on the side of a bus, and instantly I became very sad. There are so many different reasons why this made me sad, but here's a few:

1) People have taken to the side of a bus to try and assert the reality of God
2) People who believe in God are perceived to be worrying about life
3) People who believe in God are perceived to not enjoy life
4) We, as believers in God, have done a poor job of communicating His message to the world around us

I could probably go on with more reasons that it makes me sad, but those sum it up. Essentially, that we as believers in God, have failed in the way we live, the way we love, and the way we communicate with others. When I was in London last Sunday I did see a counter-ad on a bus, it read, "God probably does exist. So stop worrying and join His party." While I thought it was good that somebody wanted to stand up for God and His reality, I don't think that does as much good as if we as believers in God make a change in our lives. If we lived with more love and more grace, I think it would communicate better than any sign on the side of a bus.

The Blame Game

2009-03-17T03:35:00.000-07:00

Last weekend we played against London, who is second in the league 'table' (standings). Once again we struggled in the 1st half, and were down about 15 at halftime. We charged back in the 2nd half and tied the game with about 3 minutes left. Shortly thereafter I picked up my fifth foul, thus resulting in my disqualification from the game. When the buzzer sounded we had lost by 3, and I couldn't help but be frustrated at myself for fouling out. It hurt our team down the stretch.

That game against London was one of those life learning experiences that comes from sports. My first four fouls I picked up were very borderline calls; in fact, I would say they weren't even close to being fouls (though I'm sure a lot of you are going to respond and tell me that I have never thought I committed a foul in my life). I'm not saying the refs were cheating or anything like that, but their perception of what happened led them to believe that I committed a foul so they called it. Of course I wish they wouldn't have, but that is life. They thought I fouled so they called it. So that leaves me with 4 fouls with about 5 minutes to go in the game...I could have easily finished the game if I just hadn't committed the 5th one. The 5th was definitely a foul and they had no choice but to call it. So, ultimately it was on me to not commit the 5th, and I failed at that. My failure led to my disqualification and hurt my team. So it's on ME, not on the refs. They did the best they could.

I recently read a book called, "The QBQ! The Question Behind the Question", and it is all about personal accountability and eliminating blame. I don't like blaming people, but I really want to blame the refs for their 'mistakes'. Yet, after reading that book I've been reminded that nothing positive comes from blaming people, and that I have a say in how I respond to all situations. In this case, I didn't respond properly (by committing my 5th), and we paid the price. Next time, I'll just have to be better and not make the 5th foul.

Offering God's Nourishment

2009-02-20T12:31:00.000-08:00

My Utmost for His Highest is a daily devotional by Oswald Chambers that I’ve been going through with a few friends for the last couple months. It’s been amazing how nearly everyday it feels like he is speaking directly to the things going on in my life. Last week there was a particular entry that spoke to me, though it was about some of the stuff I went through over the last 18 months.

Over the course of those months I’ve written about my friend ‘Steve’ fairly often. Somehow God had brought us together as friends through some unique circumstances, but it has been a very difficult friendship for me. I’ve been hurt thoroughly and I’ve poured out most, if not all I have to give. It’s been by far the most challenging friendship I have ever been a part of. The reason that was probably the case is because Steve is carrying much baggage with him from past broken circumstances and friendships and all of those things weigh on the manner he relates with people now. Many nights I walked away from hanging out with him completely broken and troubled feeling like I couldn’t bear the weight of what was required to be his friend. (I realize I am being a bit vague here, but there is just too much to re-explain. Know that I was made to feel worthless, that I was a bad person, that I didn’t care for him, and so much worse. ) We would hang out about once a week, and each time it would seem I needed a few days to consider even hanging out again and another few days before I was willing to follow through on that. But follow through I did, somehow; it wasn’t until I read the entry on February 9th in My Utmost for His Highest, that I realized what I had been doing to draw strength and what I was really doing for Steve in the process of spending time with him.

I would walk away exhausted mentally and spiritually from my time with Steve – so why would I go back and spend time with him? The only answer I have for you comes from what I read in the devotional.

“Jesus said to Peter, ‘Feed My sheep,’ but He gave him nothing with which to feed them (John 21:17). The process of being made broken bread and poured-out wine means that you have to be the nourishment for other people’s souls until they learn to feed on God. They must drain you completely – to the very last drop. But be careful to replenish your supply, or you will quickly be utterly exhausted. Until others learn to draw on the life of the Lord Jesus directly, they will have to draw on His life through you. You must literally be their source of supply, until they learn to take their nourishment from God.”

That in a nutshell encompasses the process I was going through with Steve – I was being made broken bread and poured out wine for Him so that he could have the spiritual nourishment. It was brutal and miserable at times, and just as Chambers points out, he drained me completely to the very last drop. Yet, I would continue to spend time with him, and the only way that was possible was that I was turning myself to the Lord in my times of exhaustion. And He would fill me up, providing all I need.

The passage from Chambers was so insightful to me. I never knew how I was able to keep going back and being his friend after all the hurt, pain, and exhaustion it was causing. It truly was the work of the Lord through me. And in the process Steve was fed the nourishment of my Lord Jesus Christ. I never realized that was truly possible. But in this moment I just praise God for his ability to do so, and for just now revealing to me how that was working. It gives me inspiration for how I move forward in other friendships when they may be painful in the future. Even when I’m broken and poured out for others God will fill me up, and they will be getting what they aren’t yet ready to take from Him directly.

Comfort vs. Non

2009-02-10T16:06:00.000-08:00

While I’ve been here in Coventry I’ve been going to church with one of my roommates who leads worship at his church. I’ve enjoyed it thoroughly from a variety of aspects: worship, people, messages, fellowship with Pete (my roommate). It is a place that I am fully comfortable already, and doesn’t feel much different than being at home in the States. But Pete was gone this last weekend so I didn’t exactly have a ride to his church. I could have got there, but it would have been a challenge and my other roommate, Francois (who is from Cameroon), had been asking me to attend his church. It really seemed like a perfect time to go and check it out. So I did.

The church he goes to is called Christ Embassy, and is a part of the ‘All Nations’ Church Network. When I walked in, it was the first time I had ever experienced anything like it. You see, it is made up of almost entirely native Africans. Francois is really the only person born on the African continent that I have spent extended time with (and in this case I mean 4 weeks living in the same house). So it was eye-opening to be welcomed into their church and to witness the way they celebrate the gifts of the Lord. It is definitely different than the way that a church service is run in the US or at the church I’ve been going to in the UK.

And that is where a challenge comes in. Usually when something is different our immediate response is to criticize it or over-analyze it. And I really feel like God was offering me a teaching moment and opportunity to know Him more by attending. From talking with Francois and from listening to the different people speaking, it became apparent to me that many of the people attending the church are without abundance, or in many cases, without what they need. But you would never know it by their faith. You would never know it by the way that they worship the Lord. They were shouting His praises continually, and giving Him glory throughout. They are facing difficult circumstances financially and physically (health-wise), yet they want to sing, dance, and clap. They want to truly live by faith, in the bleakest of circumstances.

I’m challenged by their way or worship, because they focus on faith, not the tangible. And I’m challenged because it’s different than I am used to. And perhaps the biggest challenge I am wrestling with is comfort versus non-comfort. The comfort would be at Pete’s church – great people, great music, and what I’m used to. The non-comfort would be at Christ Embassy with still great people and great music, but not at all what I’m used to. I really like Pete’s church… I mean really like it. But I’m actually considering going to Christ Embassy more frequently. In the end, I imagine that I will split time between the two, as each has great things to offer. But after having been to Christ Embassy this past weekend, I really feel the Lord pulling on my heart to step out and spend time outside my comfort zone. It seems that is going to shatter my view of what faith and worship is. And maybe that isn’t such a bad thing.

Experiences on the Tour.....

2008-12-02T16:20:00.000-08:00

Mid-way through the tour I wrote up some funny/interesting experiences and never got around to posting them...today is the day....hope you enjoy.

- Getting punched in the face while I held the ball a mere five feet from the referee…and no foul being called. After I got hit I did a “Glass Joe” (from Mike Tyson’s Punch Out) and went stumbling backwards out of bounds for the KO; but I did manage to pass the ball to my teammate before that happened.
- Almost becoming the victim of a serious posterization. When you jump and your head is only at the other guy’s chest it could be a bad sign for you. Praise God, the man missed the dunk otherwise I would have been the Top Play on SportsCenter…for the wrong reason.
- We do a lot of sharing about our lives, and of course we talk about women. One of the guys was sharing about a girl in his life and said this, “I’ve never stalked a girl before….but I stalked her.” It was hilarious, and thankfully not in the creepy way. He’s not like that. Really. I promise.
- Playing golf on an off day with three of my teammates. One of them, Drew, had only played golf once before. As he stood on the tee box of the Par 3 2nd hole, Trey tried to bet me $100 that it would end up in the water that was 50 yards away. I didn’t take the bet, but it did end up in the water. Not his ball though….our teammate Luke’s 6 Iron that Drew was using. The ball did not leave the tee, but the club flew 55 yards in the air, over a tree, and landed in the lake beyond our reach. Luke now needs a new 6-Iron.
- A Brady Quinn look-a-like getting into me while I held the ball near half-court. Me getting physical and ending up knocking him down. Me smiling throughout the whole process while he got called for the foul. He didn’t accept my invitation to help him up. When I walked to the bench later my coach asked me if I purposely tried to take him out because I was bitter about DA getting benched in favor of BQ. “No,” I told him, but now that I think about it, I’ve done my part on DA’s behalf.” (Obviously, it was bad vibes since DA is now out for the year…)

AIA Fall Tour Thank You Video

2008-11-22T20:50:00.000-08:00

A compilation video featuring each of the guys from the tour I just finished. It was our thank you to our coach for all his help and talks about some of the things we learned. It was a powerful time together and one that I know each of us walked away from as much better men. Men who are striving and seeking to live authentically as men of God. Check it out....

Following God AND Being Good at Basketball!

2008-11-13T14:44:00.000-08:00

“Christians are soft. We’re going to pound these guys. They can’t play ball.”

Though most teams don’t express it, those thoughts or some very similar float through each of the teams heads that we are about to play. Everybody has this conception about what it means to be a follower of Jesus, and to most that means we are going to be weak. And then we play the game. And all of a sudden that conception they had proves to be false – we are showing them that you can follow God AND you can be good at basketball. And (yes I know I’ve started 3 sentences in a row with and…it’s my blog, I’m allowed to do so) that provides an incredible platform to share about who Jesus really is and the way He has changed each of our lives.

Let me give you an example of how this is important. Last Saturday we played a team of very athletic, aggressive players. They tried to pressure us and force mistakes, and over-power us. For much of the game we didn’t play very well. But in crunch time we pulled it out – we proved we were tough, that we could hang with their team, that we could follow Christ AND be good basketball players.

“So what?” you might be saying. So what is that it meant when we sat down for a post-game meal with that team we had earned a right to be heard. I was the benefactor of that opportunity as I stood to share my testimony and how going on tour with AIA to Israel changed my life forever. There were about 40 people total in the room (our team, 20 players from the other team, and various coaches, managers, and athletic department personnel) and as I spoke every single eye was affixed on me. If we had lost the game, I can guarantee you that their response and attention would not have been the same.

Because of our win (God’s win), people listened closely and heard the life changing message of Jesus Christ and they came to realize, that following God is not a compartmentalized experience. Following Jesus is a life-encompassing process and it is one where God wants us to use the gifts we have (in this case basketball) to make him known. With this team, and with the other teams we have played, they realized just because you follow Jesus it doesn’t make you weak. Praise God for the way he used us that night, and every night we are on the court.

The X-Man

2008-11-08T10:58:00.000-08:00

I wrote this about a month ago and have been slow to post it....

Last Saturday my teammate Brian and I walked into the gym where we practice at the YMCA to do some extra shooting work. We weren’t on a particular time crunch, but we were there to workout hard and not waste time. Yet, within seconds of walking in the gym we were barraged with questions from a young teenage boy. “You wanna play 1 on 1?” “Y’all wanna play 21?” “Y’all wanna play some 2 on 2?” Neither Brian or I was particularly interested in playing any sort of game, with or without the teenager who was asking us. We had showed up at the “Y” to workout, not to mess around with some young kid who we were going to be much better than anyways. But we looked at each other, thought about the reason we were in North Carolina in the first place, and decided to agree to his request for a game of 21.

The game went about as expected – he was overmatched; however, the end result was much better than could have been expected as we built the start of a relationship with this young man. His name is Xavier and he’s 15. From the conversation we had with Xavier during the game and from talking with him as he continued to participate with us in the drills after we beat him (“I ain’t never lost like that to some guys who look like you!”) it was evident that he is in a troublesome place. He admitted to his alcohol and drug use, and was swearing rather profusely at us (Brian kindly, but firmly, set him straight,”If you want us to play with you, you need to stop swearing.”). He’s only 15. It’s sad really, but the positive part of it all is that he’s at the Y on a Saturday afternoon shooting hoops rather than out getting into trouble.

The best part about it is that he was a reminder to Brian and I about why we are here in North Carolina. While we wanted to just get our workout in that day, we actually got to do what our real purpose is – loving on people like Jesus. The basketball part of things is a blessing, but it’s about the people so much more. And that is what we are being trained in – playing basketball, but remembering and abiding in our greater purpose even when it ruins our selfish desires to get things done in a timely manner.

Our impact on Xavier was affirmed yesterday as we walked back into the gym on another Saturday. As Brian sat down, Xavier slid up right next to him. When I sat down on the other side of the gym, a young man looking eerily similar to “the X-Man” (as he is now affectionately calling himself) slid up along side me. Turns out, his name is Virgil and he’s X-Man’s younger brother. We spent much of yesterday talking with, shooting with, and challenging those two young men. It was a total blessing to get to do such a thing. Oh yeah, and we got our workout in – it just took a little longer than it should have. But it was worth that extra time. I’m guessing we’ll see the X-Man and his brother again next Saturday.

Honoring and Celebrating My Grandfather

2008-10-21T18:04:00.000-07:00

Below you will find the words I shared at my Grandpa's Celebration of Life this last Sunday. The first part is light, but the last few paragraphs are especially meaningful.

"Good Afternoon, my name is John Olinger. I’m one of Howard’s 12 grandchildren. My Mother was his oldest daughter Judy. Any of my cousins could get up here and tell you some special stories about our wonderful Grandfather, he was so good to each of us. But I wanted to start with some things we all know that you may or may not have known about our Papa, Howard. He was:

· A world class swimmer…He started each day at the beach house with a swim to Dana Point. On days where he was feeling especially good he’d go all the way to Catalina and back.
· The Indiana Jones of his day….He used to live in the jungle with a boy named Little Black Sambo and his enemy El Tigre. He had all sorts of stories from his time with them. He barely made it out alive.
· English royalty…..as he could prove from the book sitting on his dining room table titled, “Castle Howard.” This was of course from his lineage – he was the most important Howard around.
· Not really something he was, but I figured it was worth mentioning…..He really liked little kids, especially at restaurants. Thankfully, he had no problem asking to move tables.

There are some other great memories I have of him also:

The Randol Family Reunion on Maui in 2000. Having everybody together was a blessing and he was so glad we did it.

Holiday breakfasts, especially Christmas, when he would make his specialty, cream chip beef, on biscuits. We actually made it this morning for breakfast and it was a nice way to honor him. I think he had grown fond of it in the military, where it was affectionately called “SOS”.

The time that he arrived about six minutes into one of my basketball games in college. I looked over to the stands and he yelled to me, “Hi John!”, as if I were walking in the front door of his house. Of course I reciprocated with a, “Hi Papa”. I think that’s the only greeting I ever gave anybody while I was playing a game.

Each of us Grandkids had a great relationship with Papa, but my relationship with him took a unique turn last November. At the time, for some reason bigger than me, I was finished with grad school but was waiting on surgery and didn’t have a job. Given my freedom, he asked me to come and stay at his house for two weeks. His days were normal, just with the bonus of having me go everywhere with him. And it was at some point near the end of the first week that everything changed. We went from a Grandparent-Grandchild relationship to becoming friends. As he was calling it, we were just “palling around together.” But it was an incredible shift and one that I believe few Grandsons get to experience with their Grandfathers.

Since that trip we were blessed with a lot more time together. And for some reason he held my opinion in high regard. So he wanted me to help him with a bunch of decisions – everything from a change in carpet, to that last minute trip to Denver to see where his Grandsons went to college, to what he was going to do for treatment with his prostate cancer. And as each of us knows, Howard would not fall under the category of decisive. It was always an interesting process in getting to the final decision with each of those things.

I guess it was only fitting as I sat next to him on Wednesday morning that I would help him with one last decision: heaven. Tuesday night we had discussed heaven several times, but each instance that we would get close to talking more in-depth about it he would squirm and stop responding. Later on Tuesday night when I asked him, “Do you want to go to Heaven?” He responded, “I do… but not yet.”

When I walked into the room on Wednesday it wasn’t even my intention to talk more about Heaven, but I ended up opening my Bible and reading to him a passage from Luke 23, culminated by the man sentenced to die alongside Jesus asking Jesus to remember him in Heaven. Jesus of course accepts his request, and tells the man, “Today you will be with me in Paradise.” Sentenced to die a near death himself, I asked Papa if he wanted to be with Jesus in heaven. “Yes, “ he said. “Well what do you think it takes to go to heaven?” I asked him. “I don’t know,” he responded sounding a bit perplexed. “All you need to do is believe that Jesus died for you, rose for you, and loves you. Do you believe that?” “Yeah, I do” he told me sounding a bit relieved. It was the first time he had ever verbally expressed that belief which was very exciting. And then he said something else that puzzled me, but made me smile, “This is why I wanted you here to help take care of me.”

And with that a decision was made – on his own, by God’s grace. But it’s a decision that excites me greatly and leaves me assured that he’s smiling down on us today. The last thing I told him Wednesday night before we left the hospital was that I loved him and I am so excited for the day I see him again.

Face to face in heaven may be awhile, but for now I can look to the sky and know he’s there."

MULCH!

2008-10-06T17:24:00.000-07:00

A few weekends back I was in San Diego and spent a night at the Scofield’s house. On Saturday morning Eric had requested for my buddy Mark and I to help him mulch his yard. As I got in the truck with Eric to go pick up the cubic yard of mulch I asked him, “So, what does mulch do, anyways?” You see in the pictures the truck full of mulch, as well as a closer view of mulch itself. I was asking Eric what mulch did, but I didn’t even really know what it was. So Eric started to tell me things that mulch did:

- Mulch is a brown bark-dust like substance – only way better.
- Mulch is spread throughout the yard.
- Mulch is full of nutrients that make the yard healthy.
- Mulch keeps moisture in.
- Mulch has internal energy in the form of heat that represents it’s nutrients

That all made sense to me, but Eric wanted to take it a step further. “You realize that mulch is a lot like God’s Word (The Bible)? It would be a great blog topic for you….” Then we began to discuss the many ways that mulch is like God’s Word and how we are like the yard benefitting from the mulch ….

- There is never a ‘good’ time to do mulch – it always takes initiative and setting aside time.
- You don’t need experience to start doing mulch – even rookies like Mark and I can just jump in and start going.
- Mulch is full of nutrients – it makes the yard healthy.
- Mulch is way better when you do it with people you care about – it even becomes fun.
- Mulch is transformative – it takes any ordinary yard and by spreading it throughout the yard makes the whole thing look new and amazing.
- There is internal heat when you start digging into mulch – it has energy and power.
- Mulch holds in moisture – it keeps the yard living, savoring the Living Water (Jesus).
- Mulch draws a crowd – Neighbors notice that you are doing something and that yard is changing. They want to know what you are doing and why it is making the yard look so great.

Who would have thought mulch early on a Saturday morning would have brought so much learning and been so much fun?

Knowledge

2008-09-27T17:35:00.000-07:00

There is something to be said for having knowledge. One of those sayings like, “Knowledge is power,” sums it up fairly well. Once you grasp knowledge of something, it’s almost like you have gained leverage on other people. And, you can choose how you use that leverage. You can enlighten other people with your knowledge, you can promote your brilliance with your knowledge, or you can condemn, critique, and ridicule others with your knowledge.

I was doing a combination of the latter two as I sat in a new church on Sunday evening. I guess I wasn’t really promoting my brilliance to anybody else, but mentally I had the sirens going off in my head, “You are so great – you know all about the things this guy is talking about.” My friend Steve had invited me to the church to sort of critique and evaluate the place. He sits on their board and was always looking for outside feedback. Thus, my critiquing hat was on, from the moment I walked in to the time we left that evening. It was especially aroused though as the newest member of the church’s leadership team stepped up to deliver the message. He was going to be speaking on a passage from Matthew 9, the time where Jesus asked Matthew to follow him and then dined at his house with a bunch of sinners.

Since I went to the Holy Land, saw all these places Jesus had been, and experienced a bunch of different teachings on the life of Jesus….I have gained a bit of knowledge. So as this guy stepped up to deliver a message surrounding some of those things I felt my leverage being exerted. And I became very critical. “Uhh, that’s not really how it went,” I thought to myself. “Well yes, I guess, but you really should have said this……”

The challenge of knowledge.

I’m no expert, but all I did was sit there and be critical of this guy who probably knew just as much as I did. His ‘midrosh’ (Hebrew term for interpretation), was just a little different than mine. Thankfully, I caught myself as I was doing this and was able to push it to the back of my brain. I did my best to try and find the positives in his message and realize that I don’t know it all. In the end, I found the message to be a step of faith on his part and definitely bold for the Lord. I can’t fault the man for stepping out and sharing about Jesus incredible love for the sinners of the world.

The man speaking was using knowledge to enlighten others while I was using it internally to promote my brilliance and criticize him. Hmmm, I wonder what’s the better use of knowledge?

Israel Reflection: The Green Pastures

2008-09-15T23:04:00.000-07:00

Psalm 23:2 "He lets me rest in green pastures...." (New Living Translation)

It was a pretty typical day in the Holy Land: rise early, grab breakfast, apply sunscreen, jump on the bus, pass through 30 foot wall checkpoint where 20 year-old guards have AK 47s pointed loosely at you, begin the trek towards the desert. Yet on this day after driving for about 25 minutes, John (our trip leader) told Abu Ali (our driver) to stop. Really we were in the middle of nowhere. There were some fields surrounding us and a beduoin shepherd with his flock off to our left. We piled off the bus, crossed the road and the ditch, and stopped on the edge of the field. The shepherd boy was spooked by our strange movements and moved his flock away from us.

Then, John asked us, "So, where do you think you are?" Silence. Nobody even bothered to state the obvious, "A field." John was not deterred by our lack of knowledge. He spoke with enthusiasm, "THESE ARE THE GREEN PASTURES!!!!" Silence. "Huh?" I thought to myself.

As you can see from the picture, it was not exactly what you would have guessed either. How would you picture these green pastures? Green? That's a good start. How else? Lush probably. Lots of plants probably. Like a big meadow, full of tall green grass? Sure, all that sounds great. But not the above. It's just a bunch of rocks and dirt and dry plants. Surely, the green pastures had to at least be....green.

Yet, John explained to us how these were indeed the green pastures where God gives rest. With the Lord as our shepherd, he provides for our needs. Each morning the wind brings dew and moisture from the coast of Israel all the way to the fields. The dew is enough to make the top grass green and provide food and fluids to the sheep and goats in the fields. Through nature, God provides just enough for the sheep and goats to be fed and watered.

Interesting to think about - God provides just enough when we rest in Him. Though our pastures may not always seem green, God is able to give us everything we need to survive and rest there. The green pastures may not look green to the untrained eye, but they are the places where one relies on God to provide exactly what is needed. And He does just that.

Why was I in Israel?

2008-09-09T13:27:00.000-07:00

My buddy Larry didn't know I had been in Israel, and hence wanted some info on what I was doing.....well, in brief....

Headed out there with an organization called Athletes in Action. We went out to play basketball in Palestine and see the places of the Bible. There were about 20 of us on the trip. I will be writing some thoughts over time about different experiences/events/reflections. I'm back stateside now, but the stuff that was experienced is gradually being unpacked. It is a slow process.

If you have more questions feel free to ask, I realize this was vague! Haha.

Israel Reflection: High Priest's House

2008-09-05T13:06:00.000-07:00

It was about 1:30 PM and for the eighth day in a row we had been walking for a long time, criss-crossing through a set of historical places, and not having a ton of time to rest. We were hungry. We were a little bit tired, it was the eighth day in a row afterall. But we were in ISRAEL! - so we were trying to see and experience as much as possible.

"One more stop before lunch," John (our trip leader) called out, "can you guys make it?" Groans rang out from the back of the pack, but the general consensus was a concession to press on. We headed into a normal looking building, and then dropped down a set of stairs where the room opened up into a giant excavation of ruins. This was a Sadducee colony - some of the largest homes in Jerusalem back in the day. As we worked our way through the huge excavation, we finally came to the last home. Our group was restless and not too excited to be there - fidgeting, staring off into the corners of the room, many eyes closed. Few people are engaged and listening as John began to share with us about the place we were, "This is the home of Annas and Caiphas - the High Priests during Jesus' time."

High priests.... Jesus time.... do you see where this is going? John then pointed out in front of himself and told us, "That is the courtyard outside the High Priests house......"

Getting clearer? "That is where Peter denied Jesus three times!" He called out.

Silence filled the room, not because we were taken aback by the place we were, but because nobody seemed to really care that much. Our hunger, thirst, and fatigue had overtaken us. We were in this prominent historical place in terms of Jesus' life and a story which is recounted in the Gospels and we didn't care. Our self-absorption was too much for us. The ironic part is that this was probably the same thing that overcame Peter as he denied Jesus in this very place.

Same condition, same place, nothing had changed. When will we learn our self-absorption causes us to miss out on so much?

The Pool of Bethesda

2008-09-04T13:28:00.000-07:00

In the video I call this place the 'Pool of Bethseda'...which is what I've always thought the name was. Then today, I was reading in the Text (John 5) where the story is told - and I realized it was not "Bethseda", but "Bethesda". That in itself is a little lesson - Go to the Text to figure out the truth about things. It was eye opening for me!

The Walkout

2008-08-18T06:53:00.000-07:00

It seemed inevitable that every night during the games there was at least one altercation. Now the exact source of the altercation varies: player vs player, coach vs coach, player vs coach, crowd vs coach, crowd/coach/player vs ref....you get the picture. It is as if the peace in the gym constantly teeters, and all it takes is one tense moment to push many people over the edge. (Thank the Lord, none of our American guys were involved in any of the conflicts).

On the second to last night of the tournament things were typically tense during the last game. The home team made a scoring run, and took the lead by six. At that point, one of their team members pushed a guy on the other team.

Things progressed as usual from there: players yelling, coaches yelling, fans yelling (and attempting to get to the court). Yet, there was one distinct difference....the coach of one of the team's was so frustrated that he yelled for his team to leave the floor. And not return.

Yup, a walkout. First time I ever witnessed that...(see my thoughts as it was happening...here:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YiR23NBtXlc).

As this was happening, one of our Palestinian friends (who doesn't even play for that team) burst into tears. He just lost it, started sobbing and couldn't stop. Not because he was angry, but because he was sad and embarrassed. I guess I can't really blame him, every night there was at least one fight. But this was different. This was quitting...as opposed to losing with dignity. To fans of basketball, it was a shame. The coach thought he was being a hero by protesting what he thought was a bad call...in actuality he was saying he didn't think they could win; he was giving up. He passed the blame on their loss. It was not the refs' fault.

Our friend was crying because he knew this happens all too often here. He was sad because his people didn't know that they had another option besides blaming someone else. I'm not making a political statement of any sort or trying to place some kind of judgment on these. My goal is to merely share with you a story of this country and the challenges they are facing. If people wish to quit when things aren't going well, it will be a tough road to grow.

How far can I get from breaking God's law...

2008-08-03T06:29:00.000-07:00

We got into Jerusalem about 8:30 last night. It was 30 minutes after sundown. That meant it was 30 minutes since Jewish Shabat (sabbath) ended. The place we were going in Jerusalem was a street called Ben Yehuda (pronounced Yoda) - where just about every Jew in the area goes when Shabat ends. It's a huge street with shops and food and entertainment. Now technically the Jews are allowed to go out after sundown. Shabat runs from sundown Friday to sundown Saturday. So once the sun goes down Shabat is over and they can go and celebrate. But, that's not what they do. You see, they wait until well after sundown - up to two hours to make sure they aren't cutting it too close on the end of Shabat. They essentially operate from a standpoint of being as far as they can from breaking God's law. I think it runs in contrast to how we operate often in America which is - how close can I get to sinning and breaking God's law without actually doing it. It's eye opening to think about, at least it was for me. Maybe it's not for you - but it seems like we as a Christian culture tend to error on the side of getting as close as we can to sinning without doing it, as opposed to striving to be as holy or as far from sinning as we can be.

Because Jesus was Jewish, we are going to be experiencing Israel (which definitely includes Palestine) in a very Jewish way. This was the first of eye opening experiences for me while I'm here...but i'm sure it won't be the last.

Consumed by....

2008-07-15T00:56:00.001-07:00

I was driving home tonight from playing hoops with Kip and Josh when I realized it. I was consumed by it, always have been. It happens without fail everytime I play.

What is it? Winning. It is all I can think about, especially when I lose.

Now, fast forward 2.5 weeks from today. The location is now Palestine. The players are no longer Kip and Josh but a bunch of Palestinian young men who don't even speak English. Is winning the most important thing? Not at all...it's all about my witness of Jesus' presence in my heart through my actions.

I may or may not ever be able to fully submit my heart to not be so consumed by winning, but I now know this....for the next 2.5 weeks, I'm giving my thoughts and prayers everyday to ask the Lord to impact my heart.

Everytime I step on the court winning and losing are secondary - the people I play with, and loving them in the process is primary.

the great illusionist

2008-06-23T21:36:00.000-07:00

"The devil is the great illusionist.....He prompts us to give importance to what has no importance; he clothes with a false glitter what is least substantial and turns us away from what is surpassingly real. He causes us to live in a world of delusion, unreality, and shadows." - Brennan Manning, The Importance of Being Foolish. (Page 12)

I came across those words tonight and immediately they struck at something deep within me. You see, for the last 30 hours I have been frustrated. Frustrated may be an understatement - more appropriately put, madder than I can remember myself being in a very long time. "About what?" you might ask. In my anger, I would reply, "a dumb league game at the Courthouse (an athletic club)."

"And why are you mad about that?" would be the next obvious question from you. To which I would retort, "I barely touched the ball in the second half of the game - and the guy on the other team was lighting me up (scoring profusely)." An objective person would look at me confused and say, "That's it? A game of basketball has you all wound up?"

That, my friends, is delusion on my part. I was angry, frustrated, and wasting a lot of energy venting about a dumb game of basketball. And that, is exactly what Manning is talking about. The devil takes our focus from the important things (loving God and loving others), and places them on ourselves, meaning ego, pride, everything have to do with me - which in this case were manifested through my performance on the basketball court. I'm thankful for Manning's thoughts, they made me aware how my pride and selfishness were pulling me away from God and into a state of wasteful delusion.

Unmet Expectations

2008-06-20T08:10:00.000-07:00

I meet with 3 other guys (Kent, Chad, and Greg) on a frequent basis to discuss ideas about our lives and God's Kingdom. When we hung out in May, we talked about unmet expectations. I figured I would highlight a few of the ideas here....they might be interesting to you.

"One of the greatest sources of pain in life is the pain of unmet expectations......When our friends do not live up to our expectations we feel hurt, unloved, or rejected....It is difficult to avoid such pain because some of our expectations are unrealistic and all of our companions will fail to meet even minimum expectations at some point." - Kent

"Expectations are resentments waiting to happen. We sabotage many of our relationships by imposing expectations on others or trying to meet theirs. It cannot be done. People who live with expectations will never be satisfied." - Wayne Jacobson, Authentic Relationships

"At the heart of humility is self-forgetfulness. The inner discipline of humility acts like a filter, saving us from the tyranny of grossly unrealistic expectations that everyone and everything should bend our way." - Gary L Thomas, The Glorious Pursuit

At the end of the discussion, the question was asked, "What am I learning from the Lord when my expectations are not met?"
My answer: "It's all about me - expectations are all about me!"

Hmmm. It would seem then that my frustrations stemming from people or things not meeting my expectations are born out of selfishness. And that is not a way I want to live.

Do you have any expectations in your life which are causing you disappointment, pain, or to feel unloved?

More thoughts on God being good...

2008-05-28T22:48:00.000-07:00

I just read through that last post, and I don't know if it all made sense, but I wanted to follow up on it regardless. Basically what I was trying to say was, if I have faith and belief that God is good in all things, that He wants the best for us in our lives, then I won't have to waste time questioning how he could let someone I love suffer.

Does that make sense?

Some of my thinking on this point has been derived from my friend Paul Young, author of The Shack. He touches on this in the book, and I am going to share a few passages, that hopefully make what I am trying to say more clear....

('Papa', God the Father is speaking) “You see pain and death as ultimate evils and God as the ultimate betrayer, or perhaps, at best, as fundamentally untrustworthy. You dictate the terms and judge my actions and find me guilty. The real underlying flaw in your life, Mackenzie, is that you don’t think that I am good. If you knew I was good and that everything – the means, the ends, and all the processes of individual lives – is all covered by my goodness, then while you might not always understand what I am doing, you would trust me. But you don’t.” (Page 126)

(Mackenzie speaking) “I just can’t imagine any final outcome that would justify all this.” (seemingly referring to the kidnapping/death of his daughter, and the subsequent pain surrounding it for all people involved)
Papa responds by saying, "We're not justifying it. We are redeeming it.” (Page 127)

So those two passages underlie this idea that God is good and his goodness stretches beyond the things we perceive as bad, painful, or downright wrong. Seemingly this is tough to swallow, but I truly believe that Paul had a point as he wrote this: God is not justifying the pain that comes from life's choices and circumstances, but He is plenty big enough to redeem those things. We just have to trust Him.

Yes, I know, that's a step. But really isn't that what faith is, a step?

One last thought from The Shack:
(Papa speaking) "Return from your independence Mackenzie. Give up being his judge and know Papa for who he is. Then you will be able to embrace his love in the midst of your pain, instead of pushing him away with your self-centered perception of how you think the universe should be." (Page 165)

By embracing God's love and stopping the desire to evaluate how such a terrible thing could be allowed, I will both feel God's love and love my Grandpa better in the midst of the pain he's facing. That's all I really want, to love him better in the midst of what he's facing.

If God is good...

2008-05-27T23:08:00.000-07:00

It's time to blog, I can feel it. I've had a few different thoughts brewing for the last week, but haven't really had time to sit down and expound on them. And yet, now when I have the time finally, I don't really feel like writing about any of those things. I'm sure I will eventually....

For the time being, there are more pressing matters. I'm sitting in the spare bedroom/office/den at my Grandpa's (Papa) house considering life for a moment. Why am I here? Well, I got a call from Papa on Saturday night, saying he had been thinking of me and wanted me to attend a doctor's appointment (not a good sign) with him on Thursday. He figured though, of course I couldn't since I had to work; what he didn't know was that I happened to have this whole week off. So a long story short...i hopped on a plane on Monday morning bound for Orange County. My cousin Phil and his wife Julianne picked me up and spent the day with us yesterday, today was just me with Papa and Grandma. Tomorrow another cousin, Wes, will join us for the day, and then Thursday we'll have the appointment.

I'm not really sure how to feel about it all - I know it's not good if he wants me to come all the way down here for it. Basically, it seems the appointment will be about treatment options for him to deal with the cancer in his body. He's told me it has spread, but hasn't given me an understanding of how much. His energy and appearance are still good, and he even drove himself to the gym today; that much is a good sign and a blessing. But I really don't know what is going to happen on Thursday, and I can't say I'm excited about it. I trust that God is good though....

What I started to write after that was: "...but that doesn't make it any easier to watch someone you love suffer". As I reflected upon that though, it seems that statement was not in agreement with the previous one. If I trust that God is good, it should make it easier to watch someone I love suffer. (I'm sitting here typing sentences and erasing them..wrestling with the enormity of that statement)..... I am essentially saying that I am giving God the benefit of the doubt, that He is bigger than any suffering we can face here on earth. But I'm not the one suffering, and Papa is not even really suffering yet, so it seems it is easy for me to say that. And yes, it's a leap, I realize. And one I am going to ponder... but in my heart I believe that by giving God the place of ultimate goodness and ability to make all things good, that it frees me to be with and love Papa to the best of my ability. No matter how he feels.

If I trust He is good, it frees me to experience the present and be a lover of people, not a questioner of circumstance. Even if it is difficult to swallow.

Better to not even start?

2008-05-20T14:45:00.000-07:00

So, I've been thinking and wrestling with this lately....

If you can't commit to something consistently (such as a relationally-based volunteer opportunity), is it better to not even get involved in it?

Mother's Day

2008-05-12T11:19:00.000-07:00

How did you spend yours?

Did you tell your Mom she was loved? Did you tell you were thankful for the sacrifices she made for you? Did you tell her you were sorry for the ways you hurt her? For the mean things you said to her? Did you tell her she's irreplaceable?

It's never too late to tell her that...until its too late.

Even if you told her those things, tell her again. And again. Because you never know when too late will really be too late.

Finding inspiration in today's things

2008-05-10T11:27:00.000-07:00

This morning for the first time in awhile, I’m feeling inspired. I’m not exactly sure why; maybe its because I’ve taken time to slow down and have a free morning to think with no distractions; maybe it is because I’m sitting outside a café in Berkeley by myself taking in a warm sunshine-filled morning; or maybe, just maybe, I am inspired by the fact that I am spending this weekend celebrating the marriage of my cousin, with family whom I truly love and who truly love me. (I thought there were only going to be a few maybes…but obviously I’m not stopping) Maybe it is because I witnessed one of the most ridiculous scenes ever in the hotel bar last night after the rehearsal dinner, as foolish drunk men bought drinks for scheming young women thinking these women wanted anything other than free drinks. Maybe it is because the love in the room at the rehearsal dinner was nothing other than special; the two families coming together are the epitome of families who love each other to the MAX. Maybe I am channeling my frustration from the things I forgot to bring with me yesterday that threw a wrench in my day. Maybe, it is any one of those things, or maybe its all of them combined that is causing me to want to write and share and create.

And the thing that I am realizing right now is that, those things happen everyday, well not the families celebrating marriage, but things happen everyday. Of course things happen everyday, that is not a new concept by any means, but those things are the inspiration for life. Each day brings a new story line, a new set of tales, a new set of things to be inspired by and a new set of people to inspire. But they all fly right by if you don’t take time to think about them and soak them in. There are a new day’s stories coming tomorrow, but that is no reason to waste the one’s right in front of us today. I’ve been wasting my days lately – too much work, too much worry – I need the constant reminder that I can’t waste today. There is inspiration, experience, and life itself where I’m at - whether on a patio in Berkeley soaking up time of quiet and solitude, or in the midst of busy life in Salem. Inspiration is there for the taking. Are you taking it?

Just Like Me, Only Different

2008-05-01T09:08:00.000-07:00

After my experience last summer with people in need, my friend Mark Wade got curious and inspired and decided to write a song about my experience. More specifically, its about what I found to be true with the people who were out on the streets...they're just like me, only different. I poured some ideas out to him, and he came up with an awesome song. Check it out here.

When somebody has given up....

2008-05-01T09:01:00.000-07:00

I tend to write questions on this blog mainly for rhetorical purpose, something that can be processed internally. But today, I am actually writing to get some responses. Sort of tapping the power of technology to help me with a tough situation I am going through with a friend. The question I want your thoughts/responses to:

how does one love and encourage a person who has essentially given up on life?

of course, there are more details than I want or care to mention here, but basically I have a friend who has told me about their lack of desire to live. They are blind to the gifts they have, blind to the ways they can help themself, and basically are burdened by the choices of their past. They seem to think it is easier to give up than face those things.

I'm not some savior, I know I can't fix them or make them want to live, but I am curious as to some of the ways I can offer help to this person when I am with them. How can I encourage them and remind them about the love of Christ in the face of their despair, shame, and anger.

Thoughts are appreciated.

The warmth of my covers

2008-04-20T17:08:00.001-07:00

This morning, about an hour before I was going to rise for the day, my bladder was making a strong plea for me to get up and offer it some relief. But my bed was so warm, and so comfortable - which really means, when I got out from my under my covers I would be cold and uncomfortable. But nonetheless, it had to be done. I threw the covers off, bounced up, opened my bedroom door, walked down the hall, opened the bathroom door, used the facilities, closed the bathroom door, walked back down the hall, closed my bedroom door, jumped on my bed, and threw the covers back on. Boy, I felt better. And it only meant less than 90 seconds away from the warmth of my covers. It seemed as soon as my head hit the pillow again, I was out, and continued my rest until it was time to really get up for the day.

I imagine most people have these occurrences on at least a semi-regular basis, unless they abide by expert' recommendations to slow fluid intake after 8 PM. The commonality of mankind's need to empty their bladders is important and all, but why am I writing about it?

Well, two weeks ago I was meeting with my Bearcat group (Kent, Chad, and Greg), as we've now termed it, and we were talking about the weather. Usually we talk about things much deeper than the weather, but it was an unusually cold/rainy evening for April, so we were giving it its' just due. At one point Chad reminded me that, "ever since you were talking about the guys from under the bridge having to be outside in this, it doesn't seem so bad for me." On one occasion I had told Chad about how the number of folks who came to eat dinner under the bridge dwindled in the winter because they just wanted to get to their sleeping bag and 'camping' area, and stay out of the cold. They would get in the bag by 4 or 5 PM, and just want to stay there...which meant they didn't get dinner. But that was what it took for them to stay warm. Sounds pretty miserable to me. And think if their bladder was angry with them in the night and they had to get out of their bag and use the facilities? Even more miserable.

And here I was, as often is the case, not wanting to get out from the under the warmth of my covers, because it was cold and uncomfortable in my heated house in the month of April. When I woke up for the final time this morning, I realized how ludicrous my worry was. Next time, I'll be thankful for the indoor plumbing, and how truly warm my covers are.

Father Rock and faith

2008-03-31T15:04:00.001-07:00

Back at the start of the month I headed out to Fishhawk Lake, about two hours from Salem, and spent two days with my friend Father Rock. Back in September I also had made a trip out there; and they are always great. Rock and I had a nice time with each other, and I believe we were both challenged because of the conversation. When I left he gave me a copy of a book he has authored, called In Realms of Light. The book is basically a collection of poetry works reflecting on Spiritual Life.

I finally cracked open the book today, and read the first entry. Its meant to read like a daily devotional, allowing time for reflection on each day's poem. Well, here I am doing my reflection on today's poem. His poem is titled "A Faith Journey" and walks through some thoughts on faith. I was profoundly struck by the last stanza, so I decided to let you think about it as well....

"Faith is life’s call to see with eyes
That do not see by earthly light.
Faith is that spiritual land
Where Creator and Creature share the space."

Rock summed up faith very well I think....the place where we get to be with The Creator.

He's back!

2008-03-30T01:42:00.001-07:00

It would seem that getting back to normal life has taken its toll on my brain, as well as my computer time. Going from laying around all day, not trying to strain myself much, to what I am doing now as I balance work, working out, and social activities has been challenging on my body. Most days when I get home (usually after 9), the last thing I want to do is get on the computer, let alone try to process something like a blog. So that explains my absence. The positive thing is that my body seems to be getting used to normal life again and that will mean that I can sit down and write again.

Despite my disappearance from blogland, there has been lots on my mind. Some of it will probably come pouring out in the days and weeks to come, but I guess the timing doesn't seem right. Til then, I hope all is well with the faithful folks who read this. Thanks for your love and support.

When will it stop?

2008-03-06T15:30:00.000-08:00

The news coming out of Israel today is very disturbing. Most notably, the deaths and injuries of numerous people is grotesque. But more alarming is the cycle that continues to perpetuate itself in that region. As most people mourned the tragedy, the article on MSN.com noted that others 'took to the streets in celebration'. As those mourning heard of this, they called for the deaths of those that would celebrate such a tragic event.

When does it stop?????????????? Eye for an eye. Death for death. The way things are going there doesn't really appear to be any ending in site. To me, it seems the only way is with grace.

I read Philip Yancey's book What's So Amazing About Grace several years ago with my friends Josh and Nate, as a study of some sort. I re-read it this past summer and have been skimming it lately searching for some nuggets of wisdom. Some thoughts from him....

“The gospel of grace begins and ends with forgiveness. And people write songs with titles like ‘Amazing Grace’ for one reason: grace is the only force in the universe powerful enough to break the chains that enslave generations. Grace alone melts ungrace.” (90)
“Breaking the cycle of ungrace means taking the initiative.” (91)

I haven't been to Israel, nor do I have any idea what it means to feel a part of such a conflict as the Israeli-Palestinian, but I am sure that the only way that violence stops is by grace. And the only way the ungrace, the violence, will stop is if somebody takes the initiative. Though our personal conflicts tend to be of much less significance here in the US, grace is needed just as much. And somebody must take the initiative to start a cycle any different than what we already have.

Feed the Sheep

2008-03-03T16:46:00.001-08:00

Last week my attention was called to a passage in My Utmost, For His Highest, authored by Oswald Chambers. I've owned the devotional book for about four years I would say, and I dabble in it from time to time. As I drove to the Beanery this morning I realized I forgot my Bible, but I that I did have my copy of MUFHH, so I decided to dive into today's reading. The title was: "Feed my Sheep", based on Scripture from John 21.

Chambers makes an assertion from God's standpoint, followed by Jesus' request in John 21:17...

"Pour yourself out. Don’t testify about how much you love Me and don’t talk about the wonderful revelation you have had, just ‘Feed my Sheep.’"

This is the call to action that we often forget about, and a call that I want to be about. The call to feed the sheep, brings one to think of physical feeding, providing food, but I think it is just as much about offering spiritual food as we live our lives. Both are important areas and should not be left alone. Whether it is physically feeding His sheep under the bridge or spiritually feeding my friends, family, and acquaintances everyday – I want to feed those around me.

This can be a daunting thought, an exhausting challenge, the idea of offering 'food' to others, but there is another reminder from Chambers: “… it is impossible to exhaust God’s love, and it is impossible to exhaust my love if it flows from the Spirit of God within me.” This is especially relevant to me right now as I go through the challenges with my friend I wrote about last time. Often times I leave the experiences with him feeling completely drained and out of love for him, but this is the reminder of God’s flowing love that is unending. Daily I am trying to remain aware of that love, and use it to feed others, physically and spiritually.

Divine Intervention

2008-02-28T23:37:00.001-08:00

Have you ever had one of those situations that seemed so bleak? You poured all you had into something, and it wasn't enough? I have, and I think you have too. People experience varying degrees of this all the time, and in a variety of contexts; this falling short and being unable to fix the situation you are in. So I don't think my specifics are as important as what I learned from it. But here are the basics....

I've got a friend who I spend time with pretty much weekly. He's got a rough background, lacks self-esteem, and is manipulative. Because of these things, and many others, we got to a point in our conversation last night where I was stuck. I had tried everything, said everything, and he had decided that regardless he was going to end his life.

And then I prayed out loud as we drove.

Within a minute of me pouring out my heart to God, though audibly so my friend could hear me, the air in the car changed. His position softened, some of the stuff that had been causing him pain started to surface, and he came back to the point he decided his life wasn't going to be over. There is nothing else I can really chalk it up to besides Divine intervention. Maybe that is the wrong way to put it, but I mean that Spirit of God came into my car last night. That is the only thing that changed the situation. I tried all I could, and there was nothing I could do. So I decided, "all I can do is pray and leave it to God." And as I did that, as I made it about something bigger than me, my friend (and I) was changed.

Makes me wonder why I often wait until the very last thing to offer something to God? I mean He has given me gifts and talents that I should use, but I often underestimate the way things change when I open them to God's presence. I did all I could, but I came up short. Thank the Lord for filling me and my friend with His love and Spirit last night.

Extravagant Worship

2008-02-25T17:42:00.000-08:00

I plopped down next to my buddy Nate just as the service was about to begin yesterday. The choir had gathered behind the other musical talents. The worship leaders invited us to stand and sing along with the songs, whose words were beamed onto the screen above the choir. It was a pretty typical beginning to church at Salem Alliance. It felt good to be back singing (I use the term loosely) and in church. There wasn't anything particularly unusual about the happenings; it hadn't changed much in the seven weeks I had been away. But on this day, a member of the choir stood out from the rest. Sometimes the choir takes up all four rows end to end, other times its just three rows in the middle, and occasionally there are just three or four back up singers. I don't think there is any particular method to the arrangement; but yesterday there were three rows of singers, filling only three rows in the middle of the stage. Front and center was a young man, dressed in mostly black except for his white undershirt, barely poking through around his collar. He was into the music. He was feeling it, deep in his soul. You could just tell by the way he swayed back and forth, by the look on his face as he reached for each and every note.

And for that, he stood out. I mentioned to Nate that I was digging how the (whole) choir was getting into it and swaying side to side. He said, "Yeah, especially your boy in all black." I told him, "That's my homie (friend). He is into it." We left it at that. We weren't mocking him, but we had noticed him. I know we weren't the only ones to do so - there isn't a whole lot of swaying or people getting into it in the large crowd of worshippers. Thus, when somebody displays a certain amount of emotion or passion as they worship they are definitely noticed.

As Pastor Stumbo stepped to the stage, I began pondering a blog on the young man from the choir who was worshipping freely and passionately. But I wasn't exactly sure what to say. He stood out. Nate and I noticed. He was passionate. We maybe were passing a bit of judgment on him....but where was the story? What could I really write about? So, feeling stymied, I picked up the notepad and prepared to follow along with Stumbo's talk. The title and passage of scripture for his message displayed on the screen: 'What a Waste' and John 12. His title was based on an expression uttered by Judas as Mary (one of five Marys in the Gospels, so I learned yesterday) poured a jar of perfume all over Jesus' head, body, and feet. She eventually used her hair to spread the last of the perfume on Jesus' feet. Judas was incensed because the perfume chosen was worth a year's wages, made of pure Nard. What a waste he said, it could have been sold and the money given to the poor. Decent point I would say. Stumbo said he would discuss three of the characters from the story, two of whom were Mary and Judas. While he went into much more detail than I will, his point was that Mary offered an extravagant offering while Judas became a critic of such offering. Stumbo said Mary made an "extravagant offering" - clearly since it was worth a year's wages. Judas though, was the connoisseur of offerings, a connoisseur of worship, and thought it was a waste. Jesus however didn't think it was a waste, and went so far as to tell Judas that. He thought it was an extravagant offering, a beautiful and timely act of worship that Mary offered to her Lord. (Of course the money could have been given to the poor, but that was not what happened here - that is another topic for another day, as is the motive of Judas' as he made the statement. It should be noted though, that an extravagant offering was welcomed by Jesus - though it obviously could not be given all the time. Anyways....)

It finally clicked for me though, Nate and I had become connoisseurs of worship that day. Our friend, our brother in Christ, the young man in the front row was making his extravagant offering. He was into it. He was offering all that he had. And we were Judas. We hadn't come out and said it like Judas had - but we were nonetheless connoisseurs of worship. Yet his offering was beautiful, it was genuine, and it was his way of worshipping his Lord with all his heart. Those are the types of people we should strive to be like, not the type we should be critiquing and 'noticing'. I knew there was something about that guy in the front row, it just took a little nudge from Pastor Stumbo to get the blog the way it should be. His worship was not a waste at all.

Wise Words #2

2008-02-20T22:07:00.000-08:00

"...if we aren’t learning, we are forgetting, if we aren’t getting smart, we are becoming dull." - To Own a Dragon, Donald Miller and John MacMurray

Its a Perspective Thing

2008-02-18T20:13:00.000-08:00

This morning I made the hour long drive to Portland on what was a magnificently beautiful and clear day. Us Oregonians are getting used to an unsustainable pattern of weather as we have enjoyed close to ten days of sunny skies in February. That happens occasionally around here, but without fail it will turn back to the Oregon we know (and love) for another two to three months. (I'm not here to talk about the weather, but its been so great I had to comment. Maybe it is God's way of getting us through the grey months....)

So I was driving to Portland to see my surgeon, Dr. Bell. He was kind enough to pass me some good news: no more rubberbands holding my jaw together and the green light to start some eating. By eating I mean chewing foods, so it greatly expands my options of food. He told me to ease my way back into a normal eating pattern, specifically to hold off on the steak for awhile, but that I was ready to begin the process. Very exciting if you ask me. Kinda crazy how fast six weeks went by as well.

Since the green light was given, it made sense to test it as soon as possible. I met up with my friends Zane and Katie, and they encouraged me to give it a go. So we headed to a little Asian place in SW Portland. Walking in and having options to what I could eat seemed like a whole new experience...almost overwhelming. I stared at the menu, checking out the options. All sorts of things running through my head: "What will be soft? That looks good. Can I chew that? How is my body going to respond to that after six weeks of nothing similar??????" It came down to a split second decision and I went with the Chicken Pad Thai. The guy dished it up, and it looked pretty tasty. We paid, sat down, and took on the beginning of the new era, LAS (life after surgery). (forgive that poor joke)

Katie grabbed a fork for me, and then I grabbed an extra to help in breaking up the food. The moment of truth was here and I scooped a moderate bite into my mouth, or tried to get it in my mouth. Lets just say 1/3 of the bite was left on my lip/chin and the 2/3 that made it in were not chewing at its finest. That was the first of what I would estimate to be fifteen bites over the course of thirty minutes. Each of the bites was roughly similar in their 1/3 to 2/3 ratio. Katie would graciously remind me there was something on my lip/chin since I still don't have feeling in the lower lip and chin area. We got a good laugh out of it everytime but it was utterly frustrating. I bit down on the part that made it to my mouth only to have it do nothing. My biting power was gone. Eventually I gave up, and decided that my nearly full plate of food should not go to waste. We had passed a homeless man on the walk to the restaurant so I decided he might want the food. We left the restaurant and headed his way; however, he had left his spot and thus I was stuck with a container full of food without any recipients.

As I left Zane and Katie I was headed further downtown so it made sense to hold onto the food and see if I could find another recipient. After pulling into a parking garage, I parked, and exited my car, food in hand. From the railing above the street, I took a look out to see if there might be any people interested in a free, and good lunch. There wasn't. I followed the stairs down to the street level and decided I needed to find somebody to eat the food. I walked north a block, and then another block south before finally seeing a man who looked like he was in need of some food. No sign, nor any inquisition for money, he just seemed like he might be hungry. I probably thought that because he was sitting in a wheelchair, one leg elevated, toes exposed. There is my recipient.

As I walked up to him, I asked, "Are you hungry brother?" "What do you got?" was his response. I explained to him that it was some Pad Thai and his eyes lit up as he fumbled with the latch on the container. He was anxious to get the container open, and when he finally did, he rubbed his hands together in excited approval. I explained to him that I had surgery recently and wasn't able to eat my lunch but I wanted somebody to have it. He said, "I can make this work." Happy that I could help, I inquired about his name. "Billy, and yours?" he said. "Nice to meet you Billy," I told him as we shook hands. My time was limited so I wished him well. As I walked away he continued talking, though faintly. I made a quick u-turn, and asked him, "what were you saying there?" He said, "I was just wondering how everything else is going for you." Kind question on his part.

We talked for a moment longer, before he hit me with his way of saying thanks. Under his breath in one rushed phrase, "yousmokeweed?" "Nah bro, I don't smoke." "Me neither....(pause)...well, I mean I do." "I had a feeling man, I could smell it," I said, trying to let him know he wasn't as sneaky as his quick question tried to make it seem. He didn't really seem to pick up on it. "Well, I have a marijuana nugget..and i was going to give it to you. As a thank you..." Thoughtful, though not my thing. I wasn't offended, but I didn't want to encourage him, so I just let it slide.

"Well Billy, enjoy the food, I think you'll be able to chew it better than me," I said as I again prepared to walk away. But then he flashed me his smile. And by smile I mean top gums, and one tooth on the left and two teeth on the right side of the lower jaw. As he smiled he told me, "I can't chew so well, but I'll be able to make due." We exchanged a bit more conversation before I said goodbye, but as I walked away it was just the reminder I needed.

It was the type of reminder I've had fairly frequently during this time: when things are frustrating and hard, and not like you would want them, there is always somebody else who has it worse. We can choose to be down about our circumstances or we can just roll with them, and make the most of it. Its a perspective thing.

Done!

2008-02-17T21:27:00.000-08:00

It is crazy to think that what is now a full nine months ago, I came up with this crazy idea to write a book. All the experiences that have come and gone in that time period had an impact on the words that found their way to the pages of my story. I can't say exactly what will happen from here. Will it be published? I don't know. Is it a good book? Also, I don't know. I mean I think so, but I'm biased. Will other people get to read it? Lucky people. Very lucky people. When will I be doing my signing and book tour? Keep checking the blog, just not too frequently if you are waiting for that information.

Seriously though, thanks for reading and supporting me. I'll get some more profound thoughts up soon...

Email forwards

2008-02-13T12:55:00.000-08:00

My Aunt Janet sent me a forwarded email earlier this week. Forwarded emails are an interesting deal...do you pass them along? do you really want to clog your friends' inboxes? do you feel guilty when you don't forward them? maybe you are one of the people who just delete them. I lie somewhere in the middle, without a single pre-determined way of dealing with them. Sometimes I read them and pass them along, sometimes I read them and delete them, sometimes I don't even read them. I guess it just depends on the day.

Well my Aunt's forward had been sitting in my Inbox for three days unread. Apparently I did not want to delete it, but also I did not want to read it. This morning though, I felt up for it and read it. Essentially it was a string of pictures of armed services personnell and contrasting words of our daily lives with the lives of a soldier in war time on a daily basis. The underlying message is that while we live free everyday, they struggle to survive in unbelievable circumstances faced with death and extreme pressure. It was a good message, and another reminder about the blessings I have in my life. And another reason to appreciate what those men and women go through everyday, whether or not you support the war. I would not wish what they are going through on anybody. It looks like email forwards can teach us something.

Breaking the Mold

2008-02-06T16:33:00.000-08:00

We have our judgments and assumptions of what professional athletes are like. This article about Travis Outlaw of the Portland Trail Blazers breaks the mold, and shows they aren't all that way. They can break the mold and still be good on the court though!

Update: Did you notice he just signed a contract for $12 million dollars, yet drives a 96 Chevy Impala?

Sometimes I forget...

2008-02-04T23:11:00.000-08:00

Broken jaw. Six weeks. Liquid meals. Major weight loss. Cravings for food. Not a lot of fun. Life is terrible right? Wrong. Life is great. I think we learn through pain, challenge, and frustration, and I am learning as I face those things. Despite my energy level and overall level of feeling picking up, I have avoided most trips out of the house. Why? Because no matter where I go, I have to interact with people; if you've seen me, you would know, that interaction is not one of my strong points at the moment. Awkward conversations, me trying to force words out so that I'm understood, bewilderment and confusion on the faces of the listeners, it is not pretty. Because of that, and the slight embarassment/frustration that follows, I avoid these situations.

Today, I realized how dumb that is. It is six weeks, I can speak enough to get my point across (most of the time), and its good for me to get out of the house. That's not the only reason it is dumb though. The thing I have forgotten is that there are people dealing with these struggles everyday of their lives. People who are deaf, mute, or with certain other handicaps have to face these situations every single place they go, and there is no relief in sight. I stay home because I have to deal with it for six weeks, dumb. Or ridiculous, or some other word describing how selfish, close minded, and inconsiderate such an action on my part is. It is often difficult to embrace struggles and challenges, but they help you to appreciate the good times more. Sometimes I forget that I'm blessed beyond measure, or maybe I hadn't before considered such basics as speaking, writing, and general communication as blessings. I do now. Hopefully you do as well.

Cabin Fever and Cravings

2008-02-02T00:15:00.000-08:00

So it has finally hit....after three and a half weeks of only leaving the house sparingly, cabin fever has officially set in. I could feel it this afternoon as I sat here in the basement wondering what I wanted to do. Only after forcing myself, I managed to sit at the computer and focus long enough to complete the 13th chapter (of 14). So that was great, but as the evening set it, I started to get restless. Because the Blazers were about to play on TV I managed to stop thinking about it for awhile, but as the end of the game neared, I had to get out. Shortly after the Blazers win in overtime, I hopped in the car for destination unknown. Really there wasn't a destination, merely just needing to get out of the house. So I left.

There are primarily two reasons I haven't left the house much in the time that I've been feeling better. First, communicating with people outside of my world is such a hastle. If I go anywhere, and have to talk to somebody, its a struggle to get on the same page since my 'talking' leaves something to be desired. Quite frustrating, and slightly embarassing, so it doesn't make me want to leave. Second, there is nothing for me to really do since I can't eat and I don't want to go blow a bunch of money. It's not really about the money, it is more about the food. That is why I titled the second part of this 'Cravings'. That is because I just realized that going out, causes those cravings to surface. As I drove, I passed good restaurant after good restaurant, with their adds for their great, tasty food. It was a true reminder why I don't want to leave the house. Passing a good burger joint, my favorite Mexican restaurant, and the best pizza in town...just left me salivating. Another two and a half weeks to go without chewing. It would seem though, if I want to remain sane, that I better not leave the house too much more. But somehow, there will have to be a balance struck between relief from cabin fever, and the cravings I find out there in the world of chewable food.

(sidenote: i just started thinking about the people who don't have the option of going to any of the places that i just mentioned, they probably crave them too. i guess even when i face the frustration of not having those things, i'll keep it all in perspective. i'm blessed over and over, and all i can say is that i'm thankful, lucky, and undeserving.)

Wise Words

2008-01-30T14:42:00.000-08:00

“Things will go wrong at times. You can’t always control circumstances. However, you can always control your attitude, approach, and response. Your options are to complain or to look ahead and figure out how to make the situation better.” - Tony Dungy, Quiet Strength

Aim? THE aim...

2008-01-29T12:31:00.000-08:00

Lately, I've been reading through some of the different letters that Paul wrote in the Bible (Philippians, Colossians, Thessalonians) and now have reached the Book of 1 Timothy. I've read it before, who knows how many times, but every time I read the first chapter, there is always one verse that stands out to me, verse 5. Each translation is a bit different, but the Phillips version is the translation where I feel like the meaning really stands out to me. "The ultimate aim of the Christian ministry, after all, is to produce the love which springs from a pure heart, a good conscience and a genuine faith." (1 Tim 1:5)

I think this point is often lost in the mix of our society. What are we aiming for? Are we helping others and oursevles to discover love through the three ways that Paul spoke of. It is interesting that Paul is writing to his mentee Timothy who had gone away from him to deal with some false teaching of the church in Ephesus. Paul was attempting to offer him some practical advice about correcting the issues plaguing the church in ancient times, but how applicable is this message still today? Whether it is our church, our home, our relationships, what is our aim? Are we drawing people to pure hearts, founded on good conscience and genuine faith? Shouldn't that be our only aim. Now of course, each individual's circumstance is different as to what they do every day, but the aim should still be the same as we go about those things. Are we aiming for love?

Patience

2008-01-22T22:18:00.000-08:00

I started reading Tony Dungy's Quiet Strength a few months back, but put it down realizing I wanted to read it when I had a little bit more time. Now, given me being stuck on the couch, is that time. Fitting that I would find a nugget of wisdom directly applicable to me and my current situation as I near the end of the book.

Dungy writes: "According to my journal, we were studying Acts 15 in our coaches' Bible study at the time, and we'd been reading about Paul, who on more than one occasion suffered in a cold and damp jail cell. 'Patience in waiting out God's plan,' I wrote. 'Do what you're supposed to do while waiting.' "

My current state is not even in the same realm as the sort of things that Paul went through as he was tortured and ridiculed. But I found the things that Dungy wrote in his journal while studying that passage incredibly applicable. I prayed and sought counsel as a decision loomed over whether to go through this whole jaw surgery process, and in the end I found it confirmed that it was something I should be doing. Something which I believe God was saying was right for me. Yet now, as I sit, lacking feeling in almost half of my face, unable to eat solid foods, and generally anxious, I question the plan which had been confirmed in my mind and heart 20 months ago. Tony Dungy's reminder to himself, is just as much a reminder to me; I need to continue to practice patience as I wait out this process and God's plan.

The second sentence that Tony wrote also stands out to me, "Do what you're supposed to do while waiting." What is that for me? Good question, I don't know if there is one specific answer but I know that this time I have been blessed with is unique. When in my life will I again get a free four week pass (six weeks total obviously, but first two weeks are over) to do whatever I want? In general I feel pretty good, not 100% but good enough to do something. I think that something will be a combination of things, but likely it will include me completing the book I sought out to write beginning last April. I could watch movies all day, play XBox, play poker, watch TV, almost anything to not write, but as I sit here and reflect on Dungy's comment, I should be doing what I am supposed to be doing, and that seems to be writing a book that is close to completion.

Even when we have to wait on God's plan, we have something we can be doing, something that we are supposed to be doing while we wait. I should know that well, after all, that's what I spent the last six months doing. What is another four weeks in the big picture? Just a chance to really complete the first draft.

To love or not to love, there is no question

2008-01-07T13:20:00.000-08:00

A friend of mine was sentenced to 73 months in federal prison three weeks ago. He made several significantly poor decisions which put him in a position to be facing this time. Though indirectly, he hurt other people in the process of his decision making. He was first arrested over 28 months ago. When it first happened I didn't know what to do or think about him. It was all over the papers and people were saying all sorts of things about him. But I had known him for over ten years at that point. And while I didn't agree with the things he had done, I knew I needed to support him. Yet I failed miserably at that. I probably called him once every three months for almost two years, but we would never connect and I really wasn't supporting him as I should have been.

Sometime about six months ago, I realized that he was probably in need of some true friendship. At that point, I had known him close to fifteen years, and even though I still didn't agree with his choices, I realized I needed to make a significant effort to be his friend. Not just somebody to call him up every three months, but somebody to sit and talk with him about real stuff, to enjoy a meal together, to show him God's love through a legitimate friendship. And that is what I feel was formed during the last six months. We got together about once every three weeks, and while it wasn't all that frequent, we had great talks during the times we were together. We discussed the things he was facing, the things he had faced, and the struggle to come to grips with his own responsibility in ruining his life. The talks were not always easy, but I believe we were both incredibly blessed because of the time together. Our friendship grew in ways it never had before.

That brings us to three weeks ago when he was to face his sentencing in a lonely courtroom in Portland. It turned out to not be so lonely as close to thirty faces filled the aisles in the back of the courtroom to offer support to this man. Prominent folks from this community who have known this man for a long time came out to offer their well wishes and their affirmation of this man, despite his downfall. None of them would have encouraged his choices, but every single one of them chose to love him despite them. While it is not easy to love somebody who has made poor decisions, that seems all the more reason to be loving them and helping them to regain their balance. To love them and help them grow, or not to love them and watch them continue to struggle?

It was about two weeks after the sentencing when my Dad told me about a person he knew that was condemning the love shown to that man. He said he had run into this woman and she said, "How could John and (another name) go and support him after all the things he had done? How could they show up in that courtroom?" Good question, with a good answer. We, meaning the 2o some other people and I, decided the best choice was to love. We had the option to turn our backs on that man, but when it came down to it, love was the answer. Everyday we face people who have made mistakes, whether on the largest scale that will send them to prison or the smallest which causes the smallest of damage, shall we love them or not? To me there is no question.

A Different View of the Holiday Season

2007-12-27T14:38:00.000-08:00

Today is Thursday, December 27th, just two days after the wonderful day we celebrate Jesus' birth. Six days ago I was in beautiful Southern California, celebrating family birthdays and attending a debutante ball in Beverly Hills. I spent four nights there with people I love and who love me. I returned to spend CHRISTmas eve with my awesome family here in Oregon. CHRISTmas day was a mix of friends and family again, and great food. Last night I was with friends enjoying smiles, beverages, and a game of catch phrase.

Yet prior to the party I went to last night, I was under the bridge serving dinner to some folks in need. Earlier this afternoon I was at the mission serving lunch. Despite the many joys and blessings I have felt in the last week, these two scenes broke my heart. I struggled to find the words to speak to these folks that I know in these places. For them, this last week has been a reminder of their failure, of their loneliness, and of their need. Though I have no reason to feel guilty, I have walked away from both experiences very burdened. Searching for the words to speak to offer encouragement to these folks in their greatest moments of need has probably been the most challenging.

Patrick is a guy I have known for close to six months now. Good man, good heart, down on his luck and struggling to find work. It is painful for me to speak with him. He walked up to me last night with his hand out, I shook it and asked him, "Pat, how you doing brother?" "Getting by," he clamored back at me. "You?" he asked. "Hanging in there," I said realizing that probably wasn't the best response. "Really?" Pat said confused with my response. So I attempted to correct myself, "I've got no complaints..." I continued to ramble for some time afterwards, we discussed a few other topics and eventually parted ways. It wasn't an awkward conversation, but it made me painfully aware of my words and of the impact of the holidays.

How could I say, 'I'm hanging in there?' I'm doing so much more than hanging in there it isn't even realistic to say that. My life is sooooooooooo blessed and yet here I am in conversation responding in said manner. How must that make a man like Patrick feel? Not to mention I am saying this during the holidays when I have been traveling, with family, celebrating CHRISTmas, birthdays, and debutantes. Ridiculously blessed. After my time serving the last two days and my conversation with Patrick, I think my view of the holidays will be changed forever. Hopefully I won't be taking it for granted any longer, claiming I'm just hanging in there. Even on the worst of days with my family, friends, and gifts, I am soaring high above the clouds...and that is just from the worldly view. So much more when I realize I am loved by the Creator of the earth. In this holiday season, and the ones to come, I can only hope that my perspective is accurate of the many blessings I have been given.....

The Power of Story

2007-12-16T19:32:00.000-08:00

On Friday night I had the privilege to hear Donald Miller, author of the best selling book Blue Like Jazz, speak on the power of story. And while he explained the power of a story in itself, he was truly trying to remind people that their story, their life, is the most powerful story. He did a great job, told some funny stories, and then shared about how at one point after Blue Like Jazz was really popular that he felt like his life had become a set of random experiences, and wasn't contributing to a flowing story. He was doing many things, keeping incredibly busy, and traveling all over the country to share his experiences of life with people, but when it came back to him, his own personal story, he said it wasn't much of a story after all. There wasn't anything to it other than the travel and the speaking; to him it felt like his impact, his story, was limited....Long story short, he ended up founding a non-profit called the Belmont Foundation which is working to build mentoring, father-figure type relationships with boys who have grown up without their fathers. The Foundation's momentum is beginning to pick up at this point, and is going to have chapters all over the country. The potential impact is monumental.

The size of the impact however is not the important aspect...it's that he's giving everything he has to create an impact. He's still writing, speaking, traveling, and fairly busy, but he has put his hands and life, his extra hours, into another cause which whether it impacts one young man or one million young men, is another piece of his story. This story, with his hands in something benefiting others, is more powerful than the random experiences. And as he reminded us at the end of his talk, each day we write a page in our own story books....shouldn't we strive to make our stories, each day we are living, the most powerful message possible. If not for others, then for ourselves; who wants to live just the random experiences? Don't you truly want to write a continuous and potentially powerful story?

The Words We Say...

2007-12-13T10:52:00.000-08:00

I hung out yesterday afternoon with my friend Chad and ended up in a random conversation. The word evangelical came up in an article we were reading on the Internet, and I didn't exactly agree with how it was being used, but I ended up asking him, "what do you think of when you hear the word evangelical?" His answer is not what is important, nor is what I believed the term evangelical to mean, the importance of it is the fact that often our words are misinterpreted. During my time writing I have thought of this often as I have used a word or phrase to convey a meaning that i have in my head, when very well it could mean something entirely different in my reader's heads.

Then think about how this happens in everyday life, not just with writing. Evangelical for example, probably has a variety of meanings and associations depending upon your background and life views. If somebody were to ask you, "Are you an evangelical Christian?" And you said, "Yes, I am.", they could very well think that you on the far political right, strictly conservative, and a staunch supporter of George Bush. Now that may, may not, or may be partially true, but the point is that when you are speaking with somebody don't waste the opportunity to make sure that everybody is on the same page. If not, you could be speaking the same words and talking about something entirely different. The words we say are powerful and help to form people's views of us, may we help them to be accurate by explaining ourselves and not hiding behind stereo-types and assumptions.

It's Friday Night and the mood is right....

2007-12-07T23:26:00.000-08:00

I clicked on the new post buttton, and as it opened I considered titles briefly in my head...it had to be something about friday night, i mean how often do i blog on fridays. So then that just poured out, I think I was having flashbacks to the early 90's and TGIF. Good times....

Anyways, I just returned from Portland where I spent the evening with my friend Paul Young aka William P. Young, author of 'The Shack' (go buy it and read it...NOW :0) ). I think I've mentioned him before on here, but in case I haven't or wasn't very clear, he is one of the most brilliant and intriguing people I know. Actually, probably the most. He causes me to think about things in ways I would have never considered. Its refreshing to be challenged in such a way, even when it is humbling.

When we were at dinner Paul told me, "I love sports. They are so much more real than church." Touche. Good point as usual from Paul. I mean, people really do show you something when they are participating in a sporting event. What happens when things get tough, when you make a bad play, when the ref makes a bad play. All of these things reveal the internal position of a person. When he said that I figured he was just referring to participants, I hadn't really thought about how it applied to spectators. Until, I found myself a spectator at his son's game this evening. His son plays for a very small school, and the bleachers on the bench side are four rows high. It meant, even when we were sitting in the fourth row behind the visiting team's bench, that we could hear everything the coach was saying. He was also very animated, clapping all the time, saying awkward and somewhat off things at inconvenient moments. It was rather perplexing. And I chose to speak about this to Paul. His son Nicho was sitting with us much of the game, and would chime in with comments of his own. But Paul stayed quiet (at least about the coach, he yelled straight-forward things about the game..."Don't shoot!!! You can't make it!!!" hahahaha. But he was right about that....).

It caused me to think back to our time at dinner and how we were discussing what sports demonstrated. Also, it brought me back to another point he made where he said he was learning to live in the spirit of grace. Living with the spirit of grace all the time means realizing that it's okay for that coach to do whatever he wants (without being harmful of course), and that he's entitled to that. I didn't need to judge him, make comments about him, or compare myself to him. I had no reason to even care about what was going on with him, he was just the coach. I was there for the game and for Paul's son Matthew. Turns out Paul was right, sports do reveal a lot more than church. For me, it was being humbled to remember that I don't always live with a spirit of grace.

Vive Mexico....yo pienso...

2007-12-06T23:32:00.000-08:00

So there are days when I feel like writing a ton, and other days when it just doesn't flow. Maybe because I have been writing a lot on the actual book I have been hesitant from posting here to the blog, I'm not really sure, but I know I just haven't felt like writing anything on here of late. Thankfully, this evening it feels as if some pressure (not that there is any really....perceived pressure) is off my back. Could be a result of progress, could just be that I am in a good mood. Regardless, I'll recap Mexico, with the use of pictures.....

So that is the ride, suburban that began the trip with 450 miles on it. Now count the toys....2 wave runners+Artic Cat ATV + 2 wave runners = 5 Can't really tell from the picture but that trailer is jimmy-rigged. Thank the Lord we never got a flat....

So this is the view the car had for close to 14 hours as we attempted to clear customs. Of course we moved back and forth from here 3 times with our trips back onto US soil, but this was the spot where the trip nearly ended. Had they not let us pass, it would have been all we saw of Mexico.

Yes, those are the two wave runners which previously adorned the front of trailer...we were not allowed to pass into Mexico with 5 toys...so they were called to be stored at the Nogales airport..and yes, chained to the fence.

This is the place that awaited us for our 4 nights....made us forget all about the sixty hours in the car straight....

That is the GUEST HOUSE of the guy who paid us to bring everything done. Yes, the guest house...5 bedrooms, infinity poool, beautiful set up. Unreal. About as unreal as the beach there. You can see our good old friend the Artic Cat in this picture. Thankfully our employer let us take the wave runners out for a spin on two of the days we were there.

Hanging in the pool at our place as sunset was beginning. From left, Brad, Ty, CJ, and myself. Good crew, fun guys. Fun trip.

In the small little surftown of Salyulitas, Mexico. 15 minutes from Punta de Mita where we were staying. This was one of the little dive bars we were hanging out in. That was the resident sombrero that Brad has on. Ty looks slightly tired.

I could put a bunch more pictures, but those sum it up pretty well. Some other highlights which we don't have documented by photo.....

- "Tips" to our friends the policia - 3, worth a total of $210. Each a story in itself....don't want to put it on the internet :0)

- Times almost crashing the car and trailer - 2, both times involved most of the people in the car asleep or close to it. One of which we woke up in AZ with the trailer swinging back and forth a full six feet. It seemed like it might have been the end.

- Hours without a legitimate meal - 40, that includes the entire day of Thanksgiving. Only granola bars that day. We stopped solely for gas in Mexico, even when Brad begged us to stop for a breakfast burrito in Obregon.

- Unforgetable moments - too many to count.

It would take somebody paying me a lot of money to drive a trailer to Mexico again, but I'm very glad I took this opportunity. It's just another reason why I am thankful for my downtime. It was well worth it, and good for the 4 of us as friends. I'll get back to writing more about the serious stuff soon, I've been making good progress on the book.....Blessings!

I should be writing about Mexico

2007-11-27T22:41:00.000-08:00

So I got back from Mexico last night at 2 in the morning and I have a ton of stories and thoughts from the experience. Some funny stuff happened, and it was pretty crazy and challenging all at the same time. I should write about all that, and I will...but right now, my heart is just not there.

You see, tonight I again spent time with 'Steve' and again it was hard. Trying to build a friendship with somebody who constantly tries to manipulate you and make you feel bad for where your life is at absolutely sucks. I walk away from the conversations drained.

But nothing has caused me to draw closer to God than when I am drained. It's like the only thing that I can do at that point is just pray, and it's not self-prayer, but prayer for Steve and his heart and his life. I realize that ultimately the situation of his heart is out my hands. I love him as best I can, and then I pray. The most challenging times are when he takes anything which I say that seems to be against what he wants, and assumes that I am against him. He doesn't listen long enough to hear that I am offering a suggestion that could help him; all he hears is that i'm against the idea, which means i'm against him in his mind.

I don't really know what else to say, but if you could please be praying for my heart as I sort through how God is trying to use me in all this I would really appreciate it. Maybe I am supposed to be the one who just gets stepped all over so that I can better show him the love that Jesus has to offer. And if that's the case, just that I would find the mental and physical energy to continually renew myself as I face these challenging times.

Thanks for reading. Be on the lookout for the tales de Mexico, son buenos!

Why now?

2007-11-14T23:35:00.000-08:00

The chapter I am working on currently is called 'Why now?', addressing the thigns which are happening now that make serving the community a reality. What it really talks about is the things which keep us from serving and giving of our time. Tonight I was reminded of one of these things, which will be the last I talk about in the chapter, because it's hard to do. When you become emotionally invested, it begins to get harder.

This was evidenced tonight as I spent time with my friend 'Steve'. By far the guy I know the best out of anybody I met during the summer. He has some baggage from past choices, and some struggles with depression...at times he can sit on the edge of really getting himself into trouble because of these things. Not petty trouble, but serious stuff that puts him at risk in the long-term. I don't want to write about it on the blog because it's really a private matter for him. Basically I said something to him totally off the cuff, not of any importance, and it ended up sending him into this funk where he told me we couldn't be friends anymore. It was terrible, just sitting there asking him questions and refusing to answer, only to tell me 'we're not alike, we'll never be able to be friends'....SUCKS. I sat it out long enough though and eventually he came back to reality, apologized, and told me he was thankful for me.

Situations such as this one are difficult, and show why getting emotionally involved with people in need (both physical and emotional) can put people in tough positions. I'm thankful I can be there for 'Steve', but I also recognize the challenge in it sometimes. The sort of challenge that keeps people away from getting involved in service and outreach.

update

2007-11-10T01:12:00.000-08:00

It doesn't feel like it's one in the morning, though I am craving some shut eye. I didn't write much today, but over the course of the last four days I've gotten a fair amount down and feel like the first three chapters are completed, though rough. Started working on chapter 4 tonight and hope to finish it up tomorrow. I feel like most of my 'research' has been completed now, so it's just taking the experiences and piecing them together to tell a story.

The first chapter is about my life and how busy, full, and fast-moving I live. The second is discussing the traffic jam, as i'm calling it, in my life (surgery) that is causing me to be stuck and not move forward with 'the rest of my life'. The third is talking about the process of how I am free to choose what to do while I sit here waiting for surgery and the story of why i got inspired to work with the homeless.

More thoughts to come soon. Going to read some Yancey now.

Share through actions, and if necessary, use words...I think some famous person's quote is along those lines...

2007-11-04T14:45:00.000-08:00

It's been an interesting 12 days with my grandpa. Interesting in the most positive way possible. Full of twists and turns, not really doing what I expected to come from our time together. You see, at 90, life is day-to-day. Which means, when youa re with a person that age, you too are day-to-day. It's a difficult thing for me, but it has really pushed me to live in the present. Not worrying about tomorrow, what we will do or how we'll do it or who we'll see, but just being in the moment and going with the flow. Because of the way I tend to try to do everything, I tend to be a planner so that I can fit everything in. Here with him, I'm just learning to fit in what we can based upon the circumstances, and having to let the rest fall where it may. It's turning out that the book I am writing is going to end up being a lot about this process of living in the present moment and the many opportunities that it provides.....

For instance, living in the present, unworried (or at least not showing it), I have gotten to just love my grandfather regardless of what we are doing. For many of my trips down here, I had entered with a bit of an agenda, hoping to share Jesus with him and have him come to know the Jesus that I do. It wasn't that I had bad intentions, but that's not really what God has asked for from us. He's asked us to love Him and love our neighbors as ourselves. Nothing more, nothing less. Of course what each of those things involves is difficult to pinpoint, if our hearts can focus merely on loving the other person and throwing out our agendas and expectations, then I think it opens the channels for God to work in only the way He can.

I didn't enter this trip with any sort of expectations - love him, be with him, and just enjoy the time. Yet, the impact I have seen in my grandfather has been incredible. Never before had I really heard him pray; never before had I heard these peaceful words of comfort come out of his mouth when talking about God. But I hadn't really explicitly said much about God on this trip, I had let my actions do the speaking.

So as we sat down to breakfast yesterday morning in our hotel in Denver (one of the unexpected events of the time with him), I was suprised to hear him tell me that he thought learning from example about God was so much more informative than being preached at. "Huh?" I thought to myself. All this time on previous trips I had worried and pondered in my head what it was I should say to him about God. On this trip, all I did was live, love, and speak when the words were appropriate. His prayers before meals were evidence of his learning about God through my example and that was so much fun.

Last night I got the chance to hang out with my friends Jason and Matt, who happened to be in the Denver area also (sidenote: very cool when you meet friends in random cities, at random times, by randomness...). They both were asking me about the time with my Grandpa and remarking how cool it was that I was getting to spend the time with him. I talked about the conversation we had at breakfast and how I had just been getting to see God working through my Grandpa. Matt asked me, "So what do you think the greatest thing you've been learning through this experience is?" "Well, I said, just that he has learned so much about God through my actions and it hasn't been about the words at all." "It's such an encouragement for me to hear you say that right now man," was Matt's response.

So as I knew in my gut, the agendas I often enter situations with probably prevent me from living in the moment. They cause me to worry about what I'll say and do, when really it's just about buying into loving and caring for people as I am with people. My action of loving them, and only supporting my actions with words when the words are there and ready, has so much more power than words themselves. I have been encouraged through this process to live in the moment, knowing that if I love God and love others, big changes are possible. Even if there aren't big changes, that isn't for me to judge anyways. It will be a challenge to continue to love people without agendas, because I do care about them, but that is precisely the reason to let the agenda go, knowing that if I love them with all my heart the rest will take care of itself.

New fall experience...

2007-10-28T15:34:00.000-07:00

It's been a long time since I've spent a late October afternoon body surfing, hanging out in the sun, and just being in the present day. That's largely what I've been doing, or trying to do with portions of the last few days. I'm in Dana Point currently sitting next to PCH, the Pacific just 250 yards away, and yet I'm still struggling to relax. It may seem like since I'm not doing anything per se, that I should just have it easy and life should be good. Well, life is good, but it's not easy for me. I'm dealing with the challenge (for me) of living in the present moment - no planning, no certainty, just taking it day by day, hour by hour, really even minute by minute. I tend to like to be a planner and know how things are going to work out, but I'm not really in a position to control anything right now.

I'm here to be with my grandpa. He's 90, fairly mobile, and has big ambitions despite his age and relatively weak body strength. For 90 he's trucking along pretty good, but he has the mind of a guy in his 40s or 50s. He wants to do all these things, travel, shopping, more travel...and the relative certainty of each is dependent on the sway of the wind and his feeling at a certain moment. So that is what we do, we just go by the wind. It's hard, but it's good for me. I would prefer that our days were mapped out in advance, knowing when and where we would be, knowing which hours would be mine to work on writing and reading. Yet, that is just not how it is. Everyday will be different and everyday will have its own unique flow. I can fight it or I can just go with it.....trying to do that latter...

Smokey Skies in LA, and a Seinfeld character?

2007-10-23T23:57:00.000-07:00

I flew into Burbank this afternoon and got some sweet pics of the fires, well the effects of the fires, from my vantage point. It made some cool things to see in the sky...I was all pumped to post them on here....but my camera and computer are not speaking at the moment. They are having some sort of disagreement and I don't speak either of their languages to figure out exactly what it's all about. So, no pictures for you!

That reminds me, for the first half of my flight, I thought I was sitting next to THE Soup Nazi (Seinfeld fame in case you have no idea what I'm talking about). I was in first class (yes extravagant I know, but it only cost $.40 more...yes 40 cents more for first class so i went for it), and the guy next to me seemed to have it all going in terms of the SN's repitoire....disgruntled, Asian, round, disgruntled, Asian... Of course I was disappointed to talk myself out of him being the SN after about an hour, but it was fun while it lasted.

In LA for the next 12 days...will be writing a lot I hope so I'll be doing my best to get some passages up. blessings!

my journal entry...

2007-10-19T03:11:00.000-07:00

It’s 3:03 AM, I’ve been here writing for over two hours (which has just flown by, btw). Tonight I went to the David Crowder concert with Marquis at the Crystal Ballroom (see previous entry which is highly detailed) and it was a real good time. Good music, good people (Josh and Thomas – Mark’s buddies from UO were good dudes), and good vibes. Crowder did a towel and sock drive to be donated to homeless shelters in the area which was a great idea. I’m impressed by his way of living in the present, of giving (whether it’s just some towels and socks or something more), and the way he chose to share that with others. It’s a lesson in marketing and it’s a lesson in spreading a method of change and Remedy for some troubles in the world! He’s using his position of influence to not only state his claims, but to back it up with action. Very cool to see unfolding….

Socks, Towels, and Tears....

2007-10-19T02:18:00.000-07:00

My friend Mark called me up last Sunday afternoon, right in the middle of the much-hyped Patriots-Cowboys ‘Duel in Dallas’. I was surprised to see him calling in the middle of the game because I was sure he had to be watching the game. Apparently he was, but when I answered he just said, “Dude, I won’t keep you but I just wanted to run something by you.” “Okay, fire,” I replied with two eyes and one ear on the game, the other ear glued to the phone. “What do you got going on Thursday night?” “Umm, not too much I don’t think,” with a bit of hesitation, not because I was unsure, but because of my distraction from the game. “Well man, I have two tickets to go see David Crowder and Phil Wickham in Portland. Would you wanna go with me?” “Yeah dude, that would be fun. Sign me up!”
At the time, I had heard a bit of David Crowder’s music, and generally I was a fan, though I could have only named off a couple songs for you. But Phil Wickham was relatively new to my ears, and I couldn’t have told you any of his songs most likely. My commitment to go to the concert was just as much about spending time with my good friend Mark as it was going to see the music. Mark also had mentioned the show was at the Crystal Ballroom, which is a sweet venue. The floor bounces when you jump and it can be quite fun to be at a rambunctious show there and from what I had heard David Crowder could provide just that. So, all in all, I was looking forward to the upcoming Thursday, lots of reasons to be positive about it.
Mark and I hadn’t really touched base since that Sunday, so the day before the show it seemed logical to go on to the Crystal Ballroom’s website and see what time the show was starting and what time the doors were at (that is what time the doors were opening for entrance, not as in Jim Morrison’s Doors back to open for Crowder and Wickham…). Some company made a good score and bought the rights to ‘www.crystalballroom.com’ knowing that people just like myself would assume that was the domain name for the venue; it wasn’t and so I had to navigate via Google to find the homepage. I quickly perused the upcoming events and then clicked on the show for Thursday night with the David Crowder Band’s picture on it. The next page featured all the vital info: all the bands playing, the time of the opening act, and the doors. Below it there was a little paragraph that typically contains as short of a recap as possible regarding the headlining artist. Sometimes I don’t even pay attention to those things, but on this occasion I read it, and I’m glad I did.
I wanted to paste here exactly what it said, and I spent the last 10 minutes trying to find the paragraph on the internet, but to no avail. The show was tonight, well last night since it is now 1:31 AM, and the Crystal Ballroom had already moved on to the next show and the blurb on Crowder was long gone. I checked the next 5 venues websites and to my dissatisfaction, none of them had the same written piece. Makes me wonder if people will get the same message that I did; anyways, you are probably wondering what that message is.
The paragraph essentially said that as part of this tour that the David Crowder Band is doing, they are trying to leave a positive impact on each city that they go through. The way that they are trying to do this is by contributing needed supplies to the homeless shelters in the communities they are playing. The first thing they did was to call up shelters around the country, that were in cities they were going to be playing, and ask them what it is that they are most in need of? The overwhelming response, especially in this winter season, is they need towels and they need socks. After hearing this, a representative for the band got in contact with a shelter or group of shelters in every city they were playing and designated that they would be the recipients of both socks and towels when the band was in their city. Woo Hoo!!! David Crowder is going to donate his socks post-show and leave them for the shelters. It will be of great assistance, plus there are like eight guys up there on stage so they could each donate their socks nightly. Every city would get eight extra pairs of socks in addition to the sweaty towels after the show. What great guys they are, so generous.
Alright so that isn’t exactly what they were planning. Instead, through their email list and through posting the message on the venues’ websites, they are spreading the word to the people who will be attending the shows that they should bring clean socks and towels to donate. I’m guessing that they are playing shows which range in crowd size from 500 to in the several thousands; if everybody brought one pair of socks or one towel, they would have a huge impact on the shelters and the people of those communities. Granted, not every person will get the message or chose to follow it, the opportunity to impact the community is still very large. Given advice from Mark’s mom Maureen (another incredible second mother of mine – yes, I have several, and yes, they are all amazing) and my own experience in seeing socks go like hot cakes when people brought them under the bridge, we opted for two huge packs of socks from Costco as our donation.
I never saw the final amount of donations, but when we walked in the door about the time the opener was going on stage there was already a stack of towels and socks about four feet by four feet by four feet. It was truly awesome.
+++
By time Wickham had played his set and Crowder was nearly finished with his, I had totally forgotten about the donations left at the doors two stories below us. David Crowder did not want us to forget about those donations though. He began to discuss the tour, their newest album, and why it was called ‘Remedy’. Essentially, what I heard him saying was that they were seeking to be a remedy in this broken world, and part of that was contributing in a positive way to the communities they were entering. They didn’t want to just be a band, or a person, that talked about doing something, they wanted to do something concrete as evidence of their passion and truly offer help to those in need.
It was great that he was reminding us of this, and we felt good that we had brought some socks for the people, but honestly what sort of difference could a few pairs of socks and some towels make? These are people living on the streets and in shelters with nothing, it probably wasn’t that big of a deal, but it was great that we were being reminded to give. “That’s great, I’m glad we’re giving stuff to those in need, but will you play the next song…..please.” I’m not exactly sure if that was running through my head, but I know it was something along those lines, and it was probably running through other people’s heads that were there also.
This was the point though where Crowder wanted to drive home his point about the value of such seemingly small things. Two weeks before he said, “we were playing one of the first shows of the tour in Houston, and people brought out a huge amount of socks and towels to be given to one of the shelters in town.” “Wonderful, I love hearing people bringing out lots of donations.” He continued on, noting that the shelter had sent workers over to pick up the donations and that included two men who were in the midst of staying at the shelter. “When the men got a look at the amount of donations,” Crowder said, “they couldn’t believe their eyes. They couldn’t believe that people who had come out for a night of entertainment, had done so much as give these things to people they didn’t even know. In fact, it brought them to tears.” He continued to tell us, that the experience of these men seeing this outpouring, had impacted so much that they wept right there in their presence.

Two grown men crying over socks and towels. Crying tears of joy and amazement.

Wrestling

2007-10-09T16:08:00.000-07:00

I've been at home for the majority of the last two days pondering, writing (well contemplating it at least), and wrestling with where this book is going to go. For the longest time it was about the lessons that my experience can teach people, then it became more about how the people I met were like me but different, and within the last two weeks it has felt like it should be about how our worth is not in our deeds. And now, here I am, after close to four months of experiences and still unsure of exactly what direction it will go. The question that I have now realized I needed to answer is, what is it that I think people should know that I learned from my experiences? The hardest part I think is that I have learned SOOOOO MUCH, and I want to share it all. I want people to understand the way my heart has moved and the way that I can apply those experiences to my life.

I've come to decide that I think the best way to answer the question though is to break it down into three things I want people to know:

Who are the homeless?
How do we care for them better?
Why we should care about them in the first place?

We'll see if those stick...I've had my directions before and been changed....

Excuse my long windedness (aka,Oct 1 resumed)

2007-10-06T16:10:00.000-07:00

“Is that really what it’s about? Is it really about other people’s expectations? Or is it about yours and something within you?
“Hmmm…I don’t know.” After pausing for just a couple seconds, which felt like long excruciating minutes I said, “Well I guess it is that I really feel like I have to justify what I am doing right now. People have expectations of people with MBAs, and not having a job, hanging out with the needy, and trying to write a book don’t really top that list of expectations.”
At this point, Chad interjected, “Well there are a lot of people who put pressure on you too aren’t there? You’ve had a lot of success, and so people have come to expect great things from you. From basketball, to Willamette, to grad school, people know what you are all about. For the most part, it has been things which are successful. I resonate with that because I have dealt with a lot of similar situations, and the situation is hard. When people expect certain things from you, it is difficult when you are doing something which might not seem to meet their expectations.”
“Yeah, it is very much that way for me; people do expect so much from me. And being a people pleaser, that causes me to put pressure on myself to meet their expectations. So what that probably means for this situation, is that I have partially been motivated to do what I am doing, out of an ability to justify this down time to others.”

We had nailed the issue on the head, I was feeling crammed into this hole of life where I had to justify what I was doing. It’s not that I didn’t think what I was doing was good and worthy, but I had just become confused on the issue. I had somehow managed to convince myself and others that I had it together because I was writing a book, and that was justification in itself for having this down time. I was doing something, and something worthwhile, so people should respect me, maybe even praise me. But what about the people I was working with? Was I doing it for them or for me?

++++++++++++
We spent the rest of the afternoon at Father Rock’s. He made us a great bean soup for lunch, we took a walk around the lake, spent some time hanging in the hot tub and sauna which have some of the most pristine views and surroundings, and then finally Chad and I took off on our way for Breakaway. As we made the hour drive to Gearhart, we talked about a lot of different things that we had gotten from the time with Rock and Carl. Prior to that day, I hadn’t realized how much Chad and I were alike in the sense of feeling the pressure of expectations. It was good to be able to share in that struggle with somebody else, knowing it was something that he deals with on a consistent basis as well.
We made a quick stop at the Elk Reserve on the way through Wheeler, or Dodge, or whatever the name of the little ‘town’ is there. I just know it’s somewhere near the Coast Range, near Highway 26, and there are lots of Elk that go there. So we stopped there for five minutes or so. As we were leaving I asked Chad, “What do you think I should tell people I meet about what I’m doing?” You see, it’s when I meet new people, that I have to explain exactly what it is I’ve been doing and in that process of explaining I often find myself saying things which make me appear like I have it together in my life. And I say it in ways, which show them that I am accomplishing things.
Apparently, the cycle of trying to justify myself and explain to people that I am accomplishing things had caught up to me. Why else would I despise meeting new folks? I had become a servant to the struggle to accomplish things, and it was evident that it needed to change. The question for Chad was important because it was the beginning of allowing myself to be freed from the burden that always jumped on my shoulders when I heard, “So, what are you up to these days?”
Chad thought to himself for a moment about what it was that I might say and then told me, “Maybe you just tell them, ‘I have been spending time working with the less fortunate.’ That is a good way to open a conversation and allows them to ask more questions. Plus, it means you aren’t justifying yourself at all, just saying, ‘Here is what I’ve been doing.’ If they want to then ask you more questions then that is great, and if they don’t then that is great too. You don’t have to prove yourself to every person you meet, in fact, you know you’ll never be able to.”
He brought up a good point, and came up with a good response that I could have when people ask me what it is I do, but the real challenge would be seeing how I do indeed respond to those questions, even with a pre-meditated response in my arsenal. Thankfully, I didn’t have to wait long to test it out since I was going to be spending the next day and a half with at least twenty men I didn’t know, who would be curious about what it was I spent my time doing. Even though I knew I would be tested in the coming hours of how to respond, I wasn’t feeling so confident.
I mentioned this concern to Chad, and he knew exactly what to say. “These guys you are going to meet don’t care about what you do, they care about who you are.”

+++++++++++
Even though I had been to Breakaway plenty of times, I was not dying to walk inside and see the familiar surroundings. After all, the sooner I walked inside, the sooner I would face the test. As much sense as Chad had made with his comment about them caring who I was, it didn’t mean I was ready to step out and determine that for myself through experience. So as we walked up the newly constructed pathway to the front deck, I was lagging slightly behind Chad. As we hit the deck, I thought to myself, “Thankfully there are no new faces, or people out here.” As we reached the front door, Chad pushed it open, and let me walk right in. I looked to the left down the hall, and then to the right into the dining room, and once again, to my chagrin, nobody. We stepped into the dining room and sat to fill out a couple quick forms. The place was quiet, it seemed as if nobody was there. Maybe there wouldn’t be anybody else coming? Maybe I wouldn’t have to face my new test, my fear if you will.
That thought quickly vanished as we moved from the dining room into the Shagadoo Lounge where Tom and Jeff were talking. I had met Tom before during another men’s weekend, though only briefly, and Jeff was a new face for me. That meant that both posed potential problems, the sort of problems who would ask me that question that I was not interested in answering. Tom informed us that the majority of the group had moved next door for some appetizers. I wanted to tell Chad, “Well, there goes that theory about nobody else showing up,” but I kept it to myself instead. We chatted with Tom and Jeff briefly, and to my delight, they didn’t ask me what I did. “Phew. Two bullets dodged,” I thought to myself.
Little did I know that there were about Twenty other bullets waiting for me next door, any one of which could hit me quickly, with that very question I was dreading so much.

++++++++++++
I had never been into the house next to the property before, I never even knew that people from Breakaway used it. This also meant that I didn’t really know what to expect when I walked in the door. Would it be a big room? A small room? Tables? Food? Where would everybody sitting? And who, would ‘everybody’ be? Kent, who is a friend I met through Chad, would be there, but aside from him, who were these people that would be behind the door when it opened? I was pretty sure, that I would know only Chad and Kent, so I braced for the forthcoming questions as we entered.
When we walked in, I had all the emotions I think I had during my first day of school, whether that was elementary, middle, or high school, or even college. When you walked into a classroom for the first time during any of those periods, it was nerve-racking to say the least. What were the people like? Were they going to accept you? Come to think about it, I shouldn’t have had any of those sort of emotions when I was walking into a room full of men who were there to grow as individuals, as a group, and as followers of Jesus. Of course they would accept me, but we don’t always respond to the rational, so I remained nervous.
The reason I was nervous, was probably because I was buying into the lie that they didn’t know me, so they wouldn’t accept me. But at one point, they didn’t know each other either. We all have to step out there at some point, otherwise we would be alone. So as I braced for it, I was relieved that the first face we ran into was Kent. We greeted Kent, and in the meantime I was scanning around the room to see if there were any other familiar faces. As I moved my eyes around the circle, it was not looking good, until about three-quarters of the way around there was a face I knew, a man by the name of Paul, whom I had met through my friend Matt who is a musician. Every time Matt comes to town we get together, and the last several times Paul has joined us. Paul is sort of a mentor type to Matt, and from our previous conversations, I knew that he was an incredibly bright and caring man. I walked away from the first several times wondering if he was indeed for real because the way he lived life was so unique. But upon reflection, the way he lived life so uniquely was manifested in the joy in his spirit, the way he loved others, the way he loved Jesus, and how he had let go of his agenda in it all. Needless to say Paul is a great guy; in fact, over the course of the last several months I had been thinking about getting in touch with him. The last time we were together he gave me his number and told me to call him, but I misplaced it and had failed to contact him. I knew I could get his number from Matt, but that would require some intentionality and effort, thus I had not gotten around to it as of yet. What a pleasant surprise to see him there for the weekend, I was already looking forward to catching up with him.
Kent interrupted my nostalgic thoughts of the conversations I had in the past with Paul, as he told me there is a guy here who just wrote a book. His name is Paul Young. “Wow, I know Paul Young, but I didn’t know he had written a book…” were the first thoughts that ran through my head, and they may have even spilled out of my mouth. Wow. God works in funny, yet incredible, ways. In no way had I thought in my wildest imagination that I would run into my friend Paul here, and even if I had thought he was going to be there, I wouldn’t have had the inclination to think he would be such a huge asset for me. It’s not even that he would provide so much for me during that weekend, but it’s what he could provide in terms of guidance as I moved forward and that is in addition, to the knowledge that I pick up every time I hang out with this guy and just have a normal conversation. It gets exciting to think about what will happen as we have conversations about this book….

+++++++++++
There is more to the story of the weekend, the amazing men I spent time with, and the impact that it had on my heart, but I don’t think I’ll go into it now since I’ve written so much. But I do know that it was the exact place I was supposed to be. I was there to have fellowship, to see my friend Paul, to be reminded about the intentionality God asks of us, to make new friends, and to just rest in His presence. It doesn’t always happen the way it did for me during the weekend, but often when we go places and do things that we don’t want to do (though they are truly good opportunities) we receive all sorts of treasures. I was truly blessed last weekend….

Delay and Recommendation

2007-10-02T23:44:00.000-07:00

The long post continued will have to delay..but I figured I would make a quick note about an awesome, amazing, captivating book i'm reading right now. A friend of mine wrote it, and I have been flying through it. AND it's fiction, which I never read, so that should say something.

Anyways, the book is called The Shack and it was written by William P. Young. Go buy it today!!!!!!!! (Seriously, buy it. Not just a plug for a friend. It is amazing!)

Looooong post...

2007-10-01T12:39:00.000-07:00

So I've been gone for a few days...maybe longer, right now I can't see the date I last wrote, but I know it's been awhile. The last week has been a whirlwind of emotion and challenge, as I have sorted through where I am going with this book project I have been working on. The first three days of last week were spent heavily writing, feeling like I really needed to get this book going and get some stuff down. And stuff was being put down. A lot of it actually. But something just wasn't right in my mind. I couldn't figure out exactly what it was, but the direction just wasn't fitting. And gradually over the week, I figured out why....

Monday I had lunch with Byron, my boss from last summer, and we talked about what direction I was going, who my target audience was to be, etc. I thought I knew who I wanted the TA to be, but I didn't know how to get there. And I hadn't really thought about how I would get them to read my book about something they weren't interested in. Hmmm. I have also been reading the book The Tipping Point, and I should have known from that you don't start a change/epidemic/whateveryouwanttocallit by writing to a group who doesn't want to read your book.....Hmmmm. So my time with Byron was good in that sense that I had some direction.

Then on Tuesday I sat down with my friend Kent and we were just talking about life. He assumed I had a lot of influence and people in my life to be helping me with the process of the book, and I kindly explained to him that wasn't exactly the case, in fact I was feeling alone. And n ot only alone, but not wanting to meet new people to be around. But I love meeting new people...why would I not want that? Because I feel like a failure in the sense that I'm not doing anything. The conversation with Kent was the beginning of a revelation for me.

Wednesday I met up with Chad for a brief while. We were talking about some stuff with the book (finally I was talking with people about the book...a good trend....) and some of the stuff that I discussed with Kent, but he also invited me to go on a Men's retreat at the coast (Breakaway Lodge) for the weekend. I had been thinking I was probably going to the UO-Cal game, not to mention I had planned on meeting up with several people on the weekend. The chance to go to the game was dwindling, but I still had plans with a few people, so I told him I didn't want to cancel on friends. But then he said, "You just told me you were lacking fellowship, doesn't this seem like a place you should be?" Well, probably yes. But like I said earlier, I don't like meeting new people right now. A weekend at the beach wtih 20+ people I don't know, and 2 people I do, would not sound appealing then. I asked him when he wanted a decision, he said "tomorrow night is kinda the latest you can tell me." Then I called the people I had plans with to see if they would kill me for canceling out on them....

By Thursday morning I was pretty sure I should be going on the weekend. So I texted Chad and let him know, I was in. I couldn't believe it, but I was committing to being with people that were new and would require me to explain what I was doing with my life (or not doing). When Chad called later to discuss the details of the trip, I told him,
"I have a 4 person maximum rule."
"What do you mean 4 person maximum rule?"
"I mean that I am setting the cap of people I am willing to meet on the weekend at 4. Maybe 5, we'll see how it goes."
"Well this isn't like a Young Life event, there will be plenty of free time and you can just go be by yourself and write if that is what you want to do."
Chad had obliged me, though he probably knew I would be meeting many more people and that I would actually like it.

There were a couple incentives to going on the trip. First of all, it would provide 2+ hours of driving time with Chad where we could just talk. For most of the summer our schedules had missed each other, leaving us little time to hang out. There is nothing quite like time in the car to really get to chat, and even better when there is no cell phone service for a large portion of our drive. Another incentive to the trip was the excursion we were making on Friday to Father Rock's place. Father Rock is a guy who I have heard a lot about over the years from my good friend Eric. Rock lives up on Fish Hawk Lake, somewhere near Vernonia and Wheeler, which essentially equates to the middle of nowhere. There are probably 50 houses on the lake, but you feel mostly alone there. I had never been to Rock's house, but I had heard a lot about it and I had just met him for the first time back in May. He had offered to pray for me as I awaited surgery. We didn't know each other well, but I was looking forward to an opportunity to get to know him a little better. Eric had told me many great things over the years, as had Chad, so what better time than now to go? The other incentive was going to Breakaway Lodge. I think I have probably been there six times in my life, and each of them holds a fond memory in my heart. Any time I get the chance to head out there, I try to take it. The town of Gearhart is quaint, and the songs and talks in the Shagadoo L0unge, basketball court out back, and beach nearby are too much to pass up.

With that said, I got up about 6:30 Friday morning to head over to Chad's. After printing off our parental consent forms (yes, you still do those as adults....) we hopped in the car and headed for Rock's house. The two hour drive to Rock's went by fast. We had good conversation, rocked out to some good tunes, and arrived at Rock's to see him outfront raking. Even though we were running late, Carl, who was to be our fourth in the group had not yet arrived. I had only met Carl once before as well, in fact, on the same weekend I met Father Rock. We headed into Rock's house, being privileged to the many gifts and mementos which line his walls, and waited for Carl. Rock offered us warm drinks and began prepping for breakfast. Carl showed up quickly there after, and before we knew it Rock had breakfast ready. We sat, offered a blessing, and ate the tasty mix of ham, eggs, and toast. The conversation was hearty and deep, and we began (well I began) to get to know each other better. As breakfast wound down, Chad cleared dishes, Rock washed, and Carl and I continued talking. Eventually we moved the conversation to the couches, where Rock and Chad joined us.

Rock opened up his Bible and read to us from it. He read a passage that is escaping my mind at the moment, but it lead to some reflection on each of our part's. I believe we were being called to think about places where we need to give our lives over to God, or where we were having a difficult time in giving into God's spirit. The point is not the specific scripture or reflection points, but what came from the conversation. Chad shared some of the things that were going on in his heart, Carl did the same, and then it came to me. I began to share about why I was there, and how I didn't really want to be. Not that I didn't want to be with these guys, but I wasn't excited about the weekend.
"I despise meeting people right now. I'm not exactly sure why but I think it's because then I have to explain to every new person what I am doing with my life."
I continued to talk about some of the other things I was thinking about the weekend, when Carl politely interrupted me.
"Let's back up a second" he said, "what was the word you used when you were talking about meeting new people?"
"Despise, I think, maybe detest."
"Why is that?"
"Well, I'm not sure, normally I like meeting new people, but I would say it's because I don't like having the same conversation over and over."
"I think there is something more to it."
"I guess it probably comes down to expectations then. People have expectations that somebody with their MBA should be doing something."
"What about your expecations?" he asked.
"Well, I know I'm doing something worthwhile, so I guess it is really about trying to deal with other people's expectations."

(to be continued.)

Re-evaluating...

2007-09-24T22:36:00.000-07:00

Sat with my friend Steve on Friday and he was asking me about the book. I told him what had been going on in my heart, just really feeling challenged and also that I was realized I had screwed up and not taken advantage of some of the opportunities that I had to really maximize this project. I needed better planning and support. You would think with an MBA that this would be commonplace stuff...but I guess this is how you learn lessons. I needed to lay out a plan, have some checkpoints, and times for evaluation, and have people supporting me in the process and asking the necessary questions. I didn't. Similarly though, I have been working with guys everyday who could not go the route of life by themselves, let alone a project…why should I be any different than them? They often don't have a plan, and they sure as heck don't have support...

Did you know....

2007-09-20T23:00:00.000-07:00

You can get 90 days of work-release jail time for flipping off a police officer........

I'm not sure of the exact circumstances, though that appears to be the basics. One of the women who eats dinner under the bridge is currently serving that sentence.

Just thought it was interesting, and I defintely didn't know it was a crime (though I obviously wouldn't recommend the idea....).

Progress report...

2007-09-20T22:08:00.000-07:00

My journal from yesterday morning....

So I’ve put in a solid 2.5 days of work on the book, and I don’t have that much to show for it. The ‘writing’ that I had hoped to do while I was here, hasn’t really come out. I have become much more organized and now have a legitimate understanding of the direction I am headed as I write this book. The thing I am also realizing is that I wasted many opportunities over the past 2 months to get to know the people I met much better. I became distracted by the tasks of daily life, became content with the easy conversations, and failed to do exactly what I am preaching to others they should be doing. My intentionality weaned over the past month and a half. It’s not that I didn’t care for and love on many of the people I met, but I was not intentional about getting to know them as deeply as I should have been. I didn’t realize this as I was going along, at least not consciously. This testifies the challenge to what I am proposing. Having somebody to walk with me through the process probably would have helped me in making sure I was asking the important questions, and truly getting to know the men and women I met.

It now comes to a point, where I must work to get to know these people better, but I am doing it with also having the motive of needing to complete the book. That makes me feel slightly ingenuine as I go to speak with them. May I approach the situation with grace…knowing I am gathering their stories as a testament to their humanity. And knowing that I am learning through this process how I wish to approach friendships in general, asking questions continually even when I have many other things going on.

The Obvious

2007-09-18T11:25:00.000-07:00

I spent one day last weekend with a group of friends that I know fairly well. We hung out for most of the day and had a good time just getting to enjoy each other’s company. As I reflected on the time though, I realized that one of my friends has the habit of pointing out the obvious and did this a lot over the course of the day. They would point out everything from the way a person looked to the dumb comment that a person just made. It is something I myself have done plenty of times so I am not bringing it up to make that person look bad. It just occurred to me that it seems wasteful to point out the obvious. So I am bringing it up for two reasons, to ponder why we state the obvious, when after all, it is obvious, and if we can bring up the physically obvious in those sort of situations, then why do we miss the blatantly obvious when it comes to people in need?

I have my own theories, but it’s definitely something to think about….

From an expert...

2007-09-17T12:27:00.000-07:00

Spending a few days in central Oregon getting to write and see what I can come up with for this book....

I finished Down and Out, on the Road by Kenneth Kusmer awhile back, it's basically the history of homelessness in America. I had copied down the final passage from the book because it is something I am fully in agreement with:

“Although their problems are more severe, however, destitute people living on the streets and in homeless shelters are not so different from the rest of us. They never have been. Any genuine effort to end homelessness must begin with a recognition of that essential truth.”

It's something I found true in my time with homeless persons to the point that the title of the book is affirming that....now it's time for me to weave together my words to describe what that means to you and I everyday.

Like Me?

2007-09-13T21:25:00.001-07:00

It never ocurred to me that I should tell you why my blog is titled, 'Like Me, Only Different', but during lunch today one of my friends asked me that.

For one, that's going to be the title of the book. And for two, without going into too much detail ....basically I am going to be taking stories and experiences and showing how the people I met working in the shelter and out on the streets are just like me (and you) in so many ways. and how they are so different at the same time.....

I'll explain more as the weeks go on. Thanks for reading. Ciao.

Getting Started....

2007-09-10T10:36:00.000-07:00

So I'm starting to write a book...maybe you knew that, maybe you didn't....but I felt like I should start a blog that would let you in on the writing process a little bit. I'll be posting blogs on and off as I go through the next few weeks of heavy writing.

Oh, and if you didn't know, I'm writing about what I learned from spending my summer working with some people in the homeless community. I learned a lot....I just hope the words may touch your heart as my experiences touched mine.

Also, checkout the article in today's Statesman Journal about the homeless community in Salem. It's pretty interesting. http://www.statesmanjournal.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20070910/NEWS/709100324

Blessings,
John